I live with my parents & caught my dad cheating on my mum – I’m disgusted but I WON’T tell her, I have my reasons
FINDING out that one of your parents is cheating would be any child’s worst nightmare.
There’s no easy way to deal with it because emotions can really mess things up.
One daughter knows this all too well and is feeling completely torn apart by what’s happening.
She took to online forum Mumsnet, and expressed her hurt and confusion to the situation after caught her dad cheating on her mum.
The daughter, who decided to remain anonymous and is only known as ‘upsetdaughterrr,’ wrote a post in a bid to seek some advice from other parents.
She said: “My parents are married, but unhappily so.
“They are both entangled and dependent on each other so neither will ever leave.
“They both tell me how unhappy they are all the time.
“My Dad has always been weird around women. He makes weird friendships with women online and then meets up with them.
“He says they are just ‘friends’ but I ask why it is only ever women. It’s always a similar type of woman, too.
“Anyway. He befriended this woman recently online who lives in our town.
“At first it seemed normal as he would meet up with her and her husband (yep, she’s married).
“But I know something was off as I could tell she was a similar type as his other ‘friends’.
“He was showing me something on his phone and a message popped up from her.
“I don’t want to say exactly what it said because I’m trying to be vague in case I do ever speak to someone in real life about this, but the underlying message was implying that he loved her.
“I know my Dad and I’m pretty sure he is incapable of love so I don’t do it.
“I don’t know what to do. I feel like there’s no point telling my DM (darling mother) as she won’t do anything about it, and it will just add to her resentment of him.
I think I’d tell my mum and tell her to get out of that miserable marriage. You only get one life.
Mumsnet comment
“But I can’t look at my Dad the same way, I’m so angry and disgusted.
“I’m his only daughter and I just feel he’s let me down. I don’t know. I know that sounds weird but I feel really disappointed and ashamed.
“I have kept something like this from my Mum before.
“When I was a teenager I found out that he had an online dating profile (stupidly listed with his full name and one of the first results on Google when you searched his name).
Seeking advice
“I never told anyone. What would you do?”
The post gained a lot of attention, with many sharing their opinions on the situation.
One wrote: “Don’t they deserve happiness? Maybe your poor mum should do the same thing if both of them refuse to split for whatever reason?
“I think I’d tell my mum and tell her to get out of that miserable marriage. You only get one life.”
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
Whilst another added: “Your father and your mother are merely human, that’s all. They have mutually decided to stay in a shit marriage, and that’s an awful shame.
“If your father is cheating, obviously it’s not appropriate, but demonising him is pointless.
“The fact is, you have no idea what your mother is up to, either. Your parents sound like two very unhappy people, both making poor choices.
“Stay out of their marriage and just try to have as positive a relationship with both of them as possible. That’s all you can do.”
Stay out of their marriage and just try to have as positive a relationship with both of them as possible
Mumsnet comment
But many suggested that the daughter should tell her mum, as one concerned parent wrote: “I personally would have to tell her, then leave her to do what she wants with that information.”
And a second said: “I’m so sorry. What an awful position you’ve been put in.
“I’m afraid I’d tell her too. Everyone deserves their right to personal agency. She deserves to make her choices based on the known facts.
“I wouldn’t be able to keep this from her.”
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship’s foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.