My husband had an ‘affair’ with our 15-year-old babysitter – I should leave him & report it but I kept his sordid secret
IMAGINE finding out your husband had cheated on you – only to later discover he’d not only been unfaithful but also committed a crime as the ‘other woman’ was a minor who was just 15.
Not only that, but she was the babysitter your husband recruited to look after your young kids together, after he met her at the local church he worked at.
It sounds unfathomable, but that’s exactly the horrifying scenario mum-of-three Amy* opened up about, revealing when she confronted her husband years ago about it, he denied it and told her she was a ‘terrible wife’.
Speaking to ‘agony uncle’ Dr John Delony on his YouTube chat show , Amy begins the conversation to a visibly shocked John by asking: “How do I trust my husband after he had an affair with a minor?”
‘The girl is literally the age of my daughter’
When asked for further details, Amy goes on to explain the context, saying that what she described as an ‘affair’ – but more commonly would be referred to as grooming as the girl was believed to be under the age of consent – took place in 2006.
She says: “She was our babysitter… The girl is literally the age of my daughter now, and so it’s kind of hard.
“He’s not [in jail]. She was either 15 or 16 – she had a birthday in there – or 16 turned 17. He was 23. He’s 38 now.”
‘You’re a terrible wife’
Amy goes on to explain how she’d always had her suspicions, but was gaslighted when she initially asked her husband.
She says: “I kind of had a hunch and when I confronted him back then it was met with a lot of anger and ‘how could you think that about me’, and ‘you’re a terrible wife for thinking that’.
“It kind of went on like that.”
Your husband violated a child – he committed a crime”
Dr John Delony
However, she does then admit she has known about it for a few years – and hadn’t reported her husband to the police, saying: “I found out in 2018. He just kind of one day decided to tell me.
“[this isn’t the reason but] he just lost his job about a month ago.
“This isn’t the first church he’s been fired from for different things, like sexual things. This is the second.
“The first one, before our first child, it was something [to do] with emails.”
‘Angry and grossed out’
Explaining why she decided to open up now, Amy says: “The more I’ve allowed myself to think about it, the more angry and grossed out I’ve become, [especially] with our daughter being that age now.
“It’s getting worse, rather than getting better.
“We did counselling as well but the counsellor [said] I just need to make up my mind and told us there’s really nothing else he can do.”
It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact your partner’s a creep. He’s a criminal”
Dr John Delony
John then asks if the counsellor reported it, which Amy confirms he did not, before he says: “Your husband violated a child, he committed a crime.
“I always want to be respectful and kind on this show, but I’ve got a little girl and I’ve worked with ministers and my tolerance for this is less than zero.”
‘You said nothing for a long, long time’
Turning to take a closer look at Amy, and her reason for not reporting her husband to the police, John goes on to say: “There’s a predator that you had a hunch about and you said nothing for a long, long time.
“So some of this rage and anger that you have is at him, and is appropriate.
“But it’s also at the mirror because now you’re looking at a 16 year old in your home and you’re going ‘woah’.
“It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact your partner’s a creep. He’s a criminal.
“I’m more concerned you knew about this four and a half years ago and you didn’t send him out the door that second, because you had a 12-year-old at the time.”
Explaining she’d like a divorce but is worried about the future, Amy adds: “We’ve been married so long… I don’t even know how to go that route – it does scare me.
“We have three kids together and I don’t know how to navigate that.”
An explosive grenade
Giving Amy advice on what to do next, Dr John Delony adds: “Your husband threw a grenade in the middle of your home.
“He threw a grenade in the middle of a young girl’s life… and I cannot remotely imagine there’s just one because he got away with it.
“Your life will change. I don’t know what that looks like but [right now] you’re pretending your house is still standing, and it’s not.
“The best we can do when life has dealt us insanity… you can’t edit the past, the only thing I can do is write something new going forward.
“Your community, your kids and you are waiting right now for what you’re going to write next.”
*Name has been changed.