The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap: Going to the Mattresses

Last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was a good return to form. The more I think about it, the more I am into Bronwyn as a housewife. I’m still so impressed by how she handled the news about her child’s grandparents and how she reassured her daughter. I was looking forward to this episode because I thought it would be Heather’s reckoning for being at the core of so much of this group’s drama, but we got even more than just a confrontation with Heather. We got everyone working their asses off this week. Thank GOD.

This week was all about celebrating Angie’s 25 years of marriage with a Mob Wives-themed party. Of course, this is in reference to Meredith’s accusation that Angie had ties to the Greek Mafia, but a good theme nonetheless. For the first time in a while, every housewife really showed up outfit-wise.

Before we get to the party, we see some groundwork for the fights they plan on having at the party. No matter how much Housewives (or reality TV in general) I watch, I will never get used to using a party as a scene for confrontation. I’d love to be invited to a party with at least one guaranteed fight. Maybe I’m going to the wrong parties? A few days before Angie’s anniversary, we finally see Whitney and Meredith have a real conversation, and Whitey apologizing for how she spoke to Meredith was something I did not expect to see.

The apology does make strategic sense because it was not an actual apology because Whitney believed she was wrong — it was because she believes Lisa is her true enemy now. I agree with Meredith that Whitney likely expected her to turn against Lisa because of Whitney’s accusation about Lisa planting the Alibaba jewelry story. Luckily, Meredith is smart enough to know how to remain firmly neutral. She is not going to get burned again in a “someone planted a story” controversy, unlike Heather, who gladly inserts herself everywhere.

Speaking of Heather and her haters, I love the Bronwyn-Mary friendship and their growing bond. When Bronwyn tells Mary about the drama with her daughter’s grandparents, Mary does her best to reassure her and relate. But what strikes me the most about that entire scene is Mary speaking to Robert Jr. before Bronwyn’s arrival. Seeing Robert Jr. and his “wife” (I truly forgot he got “married”) made me a bit worried. Those two are up to no good, and it’s been interesting to see how Mary’s openness about her childhood neglect clearly informs how she deals with Robert Jr. I feel for her and understand why she feels the need to keep him at home even if he does nothing all day.

Back to the party. I love this party. Not only does everyone look great, but the tension is palpable. I love the Britani/Jared/her random date Aaron hijinx being sandwiched between two longstanding gripes the women are having. I laughed out loud at how adamant Mary is that Britani’s date, Aaron, is actually Jared. Even seeing a photo of Jared does not convince her. (They do look alike.)

When the actual Jared arrived at the party, I gasped. I knew that, despite Britani’s date being a normal-seeming guy who touched her in public, he had no chance with her the second Jared walked in. I know I mentioned being tired of the Britani/Jared stuff, but I see its value now as comic relief and a way to show that these women believe in girl code and can be there for one another when necessary. Britani immediately breaks down upon seeing Jared enter the room, and even Bronwyn tries to empower her to stand up to him. Sadly, he is a classic type of guy who doesn’t fully claim a woman, and when she tries to move on, decides he now is ready to step up. Britani, you’re hot and probably wealthy — GET YOUR ASS UP! LEAVE HIM! An Osmond holds no value in the real world.

Now, onto the Heather of it all. It’s wise of Mary and Bronwyn to stagger the confrontations about Heather. For as lucid as Mary seems this season, she doesn’t do a great job when speaking to Lisa and Heather. She gets scary, which I can tell unsettles Heather, and she isn’t making any salient points. While I don’t think Mary is a gaslighter the way Heather says in her confessional, I agree that she has been worse to Heather than Heather has been to her. After all, she did call her inbred and constantly makes digs about Heather’s weight. I do like that she sits with children afterwards and speaks to them like they are also grown women. Classic Mary.

On the other side, Bronwyn does an excellent job with her strategy. She directly tells Angie what is happening, and just when Heather thinks she has gotten away from talking about anything to do with her, Angie takes time away from being a host to speak to Heather. Right off the bat, the way Heather is talking to Angie is insane. This is so illustrative of how Heather sees herself this season: still high off the capture of Reality Von Tease/Monica, she believes she is the queen of this group and the most morally correct. Of course, they all think this about themselves, but Heather has been causing the most drama this season. When she brings up that she had a right to tell Lisa about what Angie said because Angie was “mom-shaming,” I still wonder how she could say that and not have confronted Angie at the moment. Was Angie wrong for implying that Lisa is not a strict enough parent because her son is gaming at all hours of the day? Of course! But it was so clearly a jab said in frustration that Heather should’ve known better than to spread it as though it was a true belief Angie had. The thing I can’t wrap my head around is why Heather is now in this position of being Lisa’s advocate? Do they even like each other that much?

But also luckily for Heather, Lisa and Whitney’s conversation took all attention away from her own shit. Oh my God, Lisa really lost it so quickly, and her temper gets shorter with every episode. Whitney bringing up the Alibaba rumor and suggesting Lisa was the one who planted the story is a huge accusation with a lot of baggage on any Housewives franchise, but especially so with these women.

I don’t think Whitney anticipated how much Lisa would blow up, but still — why not have real, tangible proof when confronting Lisa? The moment Lisa said, “Tell me who it was, I will sue them!” about Whitney’s source, I knew we were in for a good time.

Again, I know these women generally love talking it out at a party, but Lisa screaming the way she did was too much, even for her. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it so much I had to pause to laugh. Lisa loves flexing that she can call anyone at any moment and they will help her. It’s her favorite move to assert dominance. I love that she called some cyber security people immediately and I lost it and screamed that she was going to involve the police in both Los Angeles and Salt Lake City. I wonder what the person on the other end of that call thought was happening.

I can’t tell if Lisa goes this crazy because she is so hyped about being wronged and her ability to prove it, which she could dine out on for weeks. Or if it’s because she is somewhat guilty. I believe that Whitney isn’t making this up, but she might be trusting the wrong source. Either way, going up to Justin to the point where he and John almost physically fought was an escalation I did not see coming. John and Justin seem like pretty good-natured guys, and they’re friends! I can’t believe this went so far.

The episode ending with a “To be continued” is a good sign that we are back on track with our ladies. There have been plenty of fights this season, and these women have all been good at bouncing back in casual settings like nothing happened — but I don’t know how they’re going to sweep everything that happened at this party so easily under the rug.