I’m posh but my girlfriend isn’t and it’s embarrassing – I’ve asked her to learn basic etiquette but she doesn’t get it
A 34-YEAR-OLD man has been left embarrassed by his girlfriend’s lack of basic etiquette when speaking to his posh family, friends, and boss.
She called him “patronising” for subtly trying to address her behaviour throughout their three-year relationship.
The man said his “very upper-class” upbringing emphasised the importance of manners and etiquette, which some people may consider “old fashioned.”
The issue of his girlfriend, 33, coming from a different background only recently began to surface.
“When I’ve taken my girlfriend to formal events or expensive outings, she sometimes behaves in ways that are inappropriate for the setting,” he wrote on Reddit.
“For example, at dinners, she might stand, lean, and reach across the table for food instead of asking for it to be passed.
“Several times she has worn clothing that would have gotten her turned away at the door despite me emphasising the dress code.
“Having dinner with my boss or grandparents, at intimate, luxurious locations, she will randomly pull out her phone and start scrolling Instagram instead of engaging in the conversation.
“These moments have been awkward, especially around my family, friends, and co-workers.
“Some of them have pulled me aside privately to comment on her behaviour.”
The man said he’s tried to “gently” speak to his girlfriend about her actions without sounding too critical.
However, she insists that there is nothing she needs to change and that she’s learned all of the “unimportant” conventions.
He confessed to not wanting to tell his girlfriend that her lack of proper etiquette has embarrassed him on many occasions.
“We had a long conversation where I tried to explain that these social norms are part of the world I move in, that we both benefit from and, for better or worse, there are expectations in these settings,” he said.
“I love her and want this relationship to work, but she refuses to acknowledge there may be things she could learn.
“She flat out insists she knows all these conventions, and that even if there were those she was unfamiliar with, they don’t matter anyway.
“AITAH [am I the a**hole] for wanting to push her to learn some of these rules and etiquette?”
A flood of responses to the post argued that the woman’s social background was not to blame for her behaviour.
Many people urged him to stop bringing his girlfriend to the events.
“Not reaching across the table, scrolling through your phone, or dressing appropriately have nothing to do with your socioeconomic background; it’s common sense,” one person said.
Dinner party and guest etiquette
Whether it's your first time hosting friends at your new house, or you're a regular dinner party invitee...
Fabulous’ Associate Editor, Rebecca Miller, has put together a list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to dinner parties and guest etiquette – and it doesn’t include sending a guest a bill at the end of the night!
Do show up on time – a 10-minute grace period is allowed, but anything longer without letting the host know, is just plain rude.
Don’t show up empty handed – unless you’re popping round for a quick coffee, you should always show up with a small token of your appreciation for the host and their efforts. Flowers, a bottle of wine, candle, or contribute to the dinner by making dessert.
Don’t start eating until everyone is seated – what might be an obvious rule, it’s one many forget. Cooking a meal for a group of people takes a lot of effort, so wait for the host to park themselves, thank them, and await instruction.
Don’t do the dishes, do clear the table – everyone has their way of cleaning and tidying up. If you swan into the kitchen and start scrubbing, it could be seen as an insult. So help clear the table, and ask if there’s anything else you can do – perhaps top up everyone’s glass?
Get off your phone – few things can make a person feel less seen or important than coming second to a mobile. Leave it in your pocket, and check anything urgent during toilet breaks.
“People are so incredibly rude with their mobile devices and your girlfriend is one of them.
“Frankly, she doesn’t really care – I think you need to have one final discussion with her and if it doesn’t change, then you need to find a new relationship or stop bringing her around.”
Others agreed the man wasn’t compatible with his girlfriend and should reconsider their relationship.
“She’s not a kid anymore, she is a woman in her thirties,” one person said.
“I’m not saying who’s wrong or right in this situation but at this point, you have to realise she probably will not change.
“This is who she is. You either accept her how she is, or you break up and be with someone who shares the same upbringing as yourself.
“Obviously etiquette and good manners are important to you, yet you choose to be with someone who doesn’t align with those expectations.”