The Ultimate Test to Decide Whether to Vote Wrong, Very Wrong, or Terribly Wrong

With the election fast approaching, I know you were all looking forward to this test, which will ensure that you will vote wrong, very wrong, or terribly wrong. Or even all three at the same time. 

Instructions: Add 5 points for each choice “A,” 10 points for each choice “B,” 15 points for each choice “C,” and subtract 50 points for each choice “D.”

What is your opinion on a new tax for the wealthiest?

1. Good, screw them.
2. Good, let them share with the poor.
3. Good, I like AOC’s “Tax the rich” costume.
4. Whisky and Coke.

Do you consider inflation to have been a problem during Biden’s term?

1. What inflation?
2. What is inflation?
3. Who is Biden?
4. No.

Would you like to promote free abortion throughout the country?

1. Could it be applied to certain politicians retroactively? 
2. Hesitating between voting for Kamala Harris or Herod.
3. Of course, we need more old people, more cats, and fewer children.
4. Whisky and Coke.

Should we have more diversity education in the classroom?

1. Three hours a day at least.
2. Classrooms are a fascist invention.
3. And education should be free until at least the age of 60.
4. If this helps to reduce time for mathematics, go ahead.

Should the United States naturalize illegal immigrants?

1. Of course, there are no illegal human beings (except for the IRS).
2. Of course! Even the ones who committed murder.
3. We should faithfully copy Ursula von der Leyen and Angela Merckel’s European model.
4. Whisky and Coke.

Is man’s impact on climate change myth or reality?

1. Denialist!
2. You denialist b*****d!
3. Cancel the pollster!
4. To the gallows with the author of this test!

What is your opinion of the Chinese communist regime?

1. Respect! You don’t say “communists,” you say “people who identify with a political tendency different from Western stereotypes of democracy.”
2. I wouldn’t piss off the Chinese.
3. Would that there were a democracy like China in these fascist United States!
4. That Xi Jinping doesn’t like the sun much.

Should children be guaranteed the right to have their sexual organs amputated at any age?

1. Of course, it’s not something new: my father already threatened me with that every time I failed more than two subjects.
2. Sexual organs do not exist, they are social constructs.
3. Age does not exist; it is a social construct.
4. Children do not exist, they are a social construct.

What is your opinion on the current gun control policy?

1. Terrible, offenders without unemployment benefits do not have sufficient access to them.
2. Bad, we Democrats need more armed and irritated people at Trump rallies.
3. Horrible. I am in favor of peace. And marijuana. 
4. What did you say about marijuana?

How would you rate the foreign policy of the Biden–Harris era?

1. Biden’s was a disaster. Harris’ was wonderful.
2. Long Live Free Palestine!
3. We should be strengthening ties with Bolivarian liberators such as Nicolás Maduro.
4. Maduro? Will there be Venezuelan rum at the summit?

Are you for or in favor of woke policies?

1. In favor.
2. In favor.
3. In favor.
4. Postpone for five minutes.

What is your opinion of the electric car?

1. Very good. We shouldn’t make cars, but if we have no choice, at least make them electric.
2. I love them because they don’t make noise, so you can sneakily run over fascists.
3. If Elon Musk makes it, very bad. If it is promoted by George Soros, very good.
4. Does it have back seats, a cigarette lighter, and a hole to hold a bottle?

What should U.S. policy toward Israel look like? 

1. The United States should recognize Hamas as a pacifist organization.
2. Jews should be expelled.
3. Israelis should let themselves be killed by their Islamist brothers.
4. Have you seen how many hot chicks there are in the Israeli army?

Are you in favor of defunding the police?

1. Of course. Public spending has to be cut somewhere.
2. Yes, and in return build saunas to reeducate prisoners. Most of them only kill because they are stressed.
3. They are the last fascist stronghold in the country.
4. Whisky and Coke.

Could you answer YES to the question of whether Kamala Harris worked at McDonalds?

1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
4. The bathroom?

Kamala Harris worked at McDonalds?

1. Yes, once.
2. Yes, she served me a delicious vegan and diverse pronoun burger.
3. Yes, every time a McDonald’s goes dark, I hear her hysterical laughter.
4. Yes, but I was served by the blonde at the next register over.

Finally, tell us which party you will vote for, and why you have chosen the Democratic Party.

1. Yes.
2. I will vote for the Harris–Swift tandem.
3. The one with the girl at McDonalds.
4. Whisky and Coke.

CONCLUSIONS:

Between 0 and 100 points: Vote Democrat and urgently sign up for Alcoholics Anonymous.

Between 100 and 200 points: Vote Democrat, then bust a couple of storefronts to celebrate.

Between 200 and 255 points: You’re already going to vote Democrat, Kamala. 

Over 255: go back to school and learn to add (but vote Democrat!)

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