How can I be sure my new partner won’t cheat like the last two?
DEAR DEIDRE: THEY say ‘third time lucky’ but after my last two partners had sex behind my back, how can I be sure my new love won’t cheat?
Afterall my wife cheated while I underwent cancer treatment and then the nurse, who I got together with after my marriage broke down, got pregnant by someone else.
I’m a disaster.
I am 53 and my current partner is 51. We have been together for two years but I’m convinced history will repeat itself after she admitted she had cheated on her husband with someone she worked with.
Her explanation was her ex was emotionally abusive and she was miserable.
She has assured me that I don’t need to worry because she knows what she wants. She said she would talk to me if she has any issues and so far we do seem to communicate well.
My wife never let me know what she was thinking and wasn’t supportive at all.
So when I underwent chemo and radiotherapy, there was always an empty space by my side. She simply didn’t turn up.
I discovered she was sleeping with another man when she racked up a huge phone bill.
We divorced soon after and I quickly met someone new – one of the nurses who had cared for me during my cancer treatment.
Our relationship developed fast – too fast. The warning signs were there but looking back I ignored them until she became pregnant.
I knew she had cheated as my cancer treatment affected my fertility.
I moved on with my life as best I could, vowing to stay single.
However I met my current partner a couple of months later through a mutual friend. We got on so well and exchanged numbers.
Part of me is saying let go and enjoy being with her, but the other part of me is saying run.
I love her and her two sons. Everything has been so easy going with her.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is not easy when someone has had previous unhappy experiences. Betrayal can shatter your trust, and it’s incredibly hard to regain that.
The fear of being hurt is a self-defence mechanism telling us that it might happen again.
But you risk driving a wedge between you and your partner and pushing her away.
Counselling could help you to move on. My support pack How Counselling Works explains more about it and how it works.
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