23 years since this column began, readers share what they’re thinking

Each October I write an anniversary column that reflects what I have learned from our readers. This is completing year 23, almost 1,150 columns later. 

Here is the process. I answer each communication from our readers and make a hard copy of their questions and my response. Once a year, I reread the year’s correspondence and then sort them into topics. The topics most frequently addressed typically are included in the column. This year, the topics most frequently mentioned include aging in place, employment, ageism and feeling invisible. Others were divorce, alcohol, grandparenting, hearing, helicopter adult children, exercise, technology and more. 

Here is just some of what I have learned from our readers: 

Aging in place: To finance staying in their own homes, several readers are using reverse mortgages as a financial resource. Another mentioned that Home Depot was helpful in redesigning their bathroom to make the shower accessible. The reader added that the change made washing their dog an easier task. Another installed an electric chair to navigate the stairs. 

Employment: A semi-retired owner of a sales representative company for 50 years could not get a job for a cashier or sales associate position even after many interviews. After being asked about his graduation and birthdate, he suspected ageism. A longtime hospitality worker in her 80s shared her insights on employment obstacles. She noted hiring managers in her industry believe “experience is not a viable credential, but being the appropriate age is, even with no experience.” She added, “Experienced workers don’t stand a chance.” 

Ageism: A 75-year-old woman describes herself as in good physical and mental condition and is beginning to feel self-conscious because of her age. In walking in her neighborhood, someone asked if she was lost. An older member of a local chorus heard someone refer to her group as a “bunch of old ladies trying to sing.” And then a stranger approached her and her husband in a grocery store and said, “You two are sooo cute.” She adds, “I am beginning to feel like a caricature.”

Feeling excluded/invisible: With age, an older reader felt he was becoming invisible. “It’s as if I were in a drawing on one of those magic slates popular when I was a kid and someone is slowly but surely is lifting the plastic sheet,” he wrote. A couple in their 70s wrote, “Younger salespeople tend to act as if we’ve reached our dotage and offer much more attention to people of their own age.” The couple ignored this lack of attention and even found it humorous. To counteract a feeling of exclusion and invisibility, a reader suggests being an initiator. He conducts an exercise program called “Longevity Stick Arts: the 12 Movements of Longevity Stick Art.” He notes that he has more friends now than ever.

Bits and pieces: A reader offered a partial solution to decluttering. She created a “Holiday Decoration Giveaway” for her family that includes holiday-inspired items as well as luggage, an antique lamp, a pewter bowl and champagne glasses. 

In response to a column on the shortage of geriatricians, a reader describes a research-mentoring program at the University of California Irvine (UCI MIND) that matches UCI medical students with UCI faculty conducting research that is part of the Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center. Among other things, this is intended to encourage more medical students to pursue geriatric medicine.

A grandparent was playing pool with her grandson and “jumped in the air” when she got the ball in the pocket. Her grandson remarked, “I didn’t realize old people could get so excited and (actually) jump up and down.” She wrote, “I was showing the younger generation that grandmas can still be active and have fun!”

A caregiver to her husband writes that she never felt like a caregiver. She thought of herself “simply as his spouse who loved him and wanted to do for him … as he would have been there for me.” She adds, “As I am writing this, my insides are starting to cry.” 

And then there is the 102-year-old WWII Navy destroyer veteran who walks daily and does the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle in ink. Way to go!!

I get requests for other organizations to reprint my columns such as the Council on Aging-Southern California. I occasionally find my column appearing in surprise places such as The Baltimore Sun and a newspaper in San Mateo. Several of my columns have been required reading for students prior to a lecture I gave at UCLA. Nice to know the columns have a “life after.” 

So, dear readers, it’s been another year. Thank you for sharing your challenges, victories, resources and wisdom. We all are learners in shaping these years to be the finest. To the best of my ability, I will continue to provide you with the most recent information, research and perspectives on aging. And occasionally a bit of opinion and personal experience will be thrown in for good measure. 

To each of you – good health, joy and successful aging…and know kindness is everything. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity