My married daughter seems intent on destroying her entire life after claiming she never wanted a child
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my married daughter told me she didn’t want to be a mum any more, ten months after the arrival of her first-born, I was overcome with sadness and fear for her and the baby.
She claims she never wanted a child, or to marry, and now seems intent on destroying her entire life.
She wants a divorce and says her husband can have full custody of their baby daughter.
I blame drugs she was prescribed for depression after giving birth, and believe they’ve had a devastating effect on her, leading to a breakdown. I desperately want to help her.
I’m 62, she’s 34 and her husband is 36. She fell in love with him at university, and they married five years ago.
She always did want children but it took her a long time to conceive their baby girl.
I remember how ecstatic she was when she told me she was pregnant. But since the birth, she has been very low.
The doctor prescribed anti-depressants, but instead of helping, they seem to have made her much, much worse.
A few months on, she seems to have had a total personality change, going from being a loving, doting mother, to an angry, bitter, selfish person who pushes away everyone who loves her.
She’s started drinking a lot and going out with friends, not even coming home to put her daughter to bed at night.
Her husband is shellshocked but has agreed to divorce.
I don’t understand what’s happened to her and am so worried.
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DEIDRE SAYS: This is a heartbreaking situation. It sounds as if your daughter is having a severe mental health crisis, and needs urgent medical intervention.
The drugs she’s taking clearly aren’t agreeing with her, and the drinking will only be making their effects worse.
Try to persuade her to go back to her GP.
Talk to her husband and ask if he will help you to help her before things spiral further out of control.
He must be under enormous stress, too, and probably just wants to do what’s best for his daughter.
Get in touch with Mind, which provides confidential mental health support (mind.org.uk, tel: 0300 102 1234) and ask for their advice.
If your daughter’s problems started after the birth then it’s likely she has postnatal depression.
Contact the Association for Post-Natal Illness (apni.org or phone 0207 386 0868).
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