When I moved abroad, my mother was fearful and jealous. It strained our relationship, but I had to chase my dreams.
Courtesy of Courtney Cardini
- When I wanted to study abroad in Italy, my mother said I couldn't because it was too dangerous.
- It caused a strain on our relationship, and I moved abroad anyway.
- The second time I headed to Italy, my mother visited and realized she was wrong.
At 20, my parents were not thrilled about me studying abroad. They encouraged personal growth but were aware of the potential consequences of traveling alone. I believed that growth required stepping out of my comfort zone, and my naive ambition couldn't be deterred.
I thought my parents would be proud of me for following a dream I knew was right. But my father was primarily worried about my safety and jokingly told me to take notes while we watched "Taken," as he didn't have any special skills to find me if I got kidnapped.
My mother, however, expressed concerns about the risks I might face traveling through countries where I didn't speak the language. She worried about how I would finance the semester and said there was a possibility of ending up in a situation like Amanda Knox. I realized that part of my decision's tension stemmed from her unfulfilled dreams. After all, Italy is on everyone's bucket list.
Our mother-daughter relationship was challenged when I finally headed overseas.
My mother didn't visit me when I studied abroad
At 20, I was pursuing a teaching degree, and this was my chance to experience life firsthand rather than through primary sources.
When my mother was in her early 20s, she worked in Manhattan. Despite being just over the bridge, family members discouraged her from working in the city, considering it dangerous for a young woman. Port Authority was a hub for drug users, the homeless, and prostitutes, they told her.
While most of my mother's fears were beyond my control, I focused on what I could manage and spent the summer working three jobs to fund my semester abroad. Ultimately, studying abroad was cheaper than returning to campus, which eased some of the tension and alleviated some of her worries.
She jokingly commented, "My daughter isn't going to Italy before I do." It was playful, but it did feel like she was jealous of me for chasing this dream. All of this led to normal mother-daughter fighting, but it did challenge our relationship.
She even told me I couldn't go, but I fought back because I was in my early 20s.
When I finally moved to Italy, she didn't come to visit me.
Sharing my life in Italy with my mother improved our relationship
The fact that she couldn't visit while I was there was a missed opportunity we both regretted.
Years later, when I was 24, I decided to return to Italy for my master's degree and moved there permanently. My mother finally seized the chance to visit.
It was a blessing to share this experience with my mother. It was her first time traveling to Europe, and we found ourselves in completely different roles, with me now being the teacher. I made sure to take her to all my favorite places. We explored Rome, ate gelato at the Pantheon, and threw coins in the Trevi Fountain, hoping for her return. We took a weekend trip to Florence, where I showed her my first apartment in Italy, and traveled to Siena, my favorite medieval city.
I remember her screaming, "There he is!" My mother pointed and waved at the Pope as the crowd greeted him during his regular Wednesday appearance. I felt overjoyed to see how happy this moment made her.
My mother was instantly enchanted by Italy and loved my day-to-day life. She marveled at how equipped every neighbor was and how the closest grocery store was always just around the corner. She was also impressed by how everyone seemed to know each other. She noted how much my Italian had improved and appreciated the patience of everyone, from shopkeepers to waitstaff, as I sometimes struggled with the language barrier.
I'm glad I chased my dreams and didn't back down
It was an eye-opening experience for her, and it improved our relationship. I could finally share my second home with the person who brought me into this world. It helped heal our relationship and brought us closer.
Initially, traveling to a foreign country at the age of 20 seemed like a far-fetched fantasy, but once my mother saw what I experienced firsthand, she was glad I didn't listen to her all those years ago when she told me not to go.
I learned that even though you are the child, sometimes you must take responsibility and be gracious with your parents' reactions. Ultimately, you must follow your heart and chase your dreams. Leave space for your parents to join you in this new life, but understand that it is a path you may have to walk alone.