What your man’s sexual fantasies say about him – from candlelit night to quickie in the park & red flags to look out for

EVER found yourself wondering what’s really going through your man’s mind when the bedroom lights dim, and the mood heats up?

Sexual fantasies have the potential to reveal hidden, secret aspects of your partner’s personality you may be unaware of. 

Sometimes, they can even expose insecurities or unspoken desires he might not express in his everyday life. 

According to National Institutes of Health, about 90 – 97 per cent of the general population report having sexual fantasies and using them to stimulate desire or intensify arousal.

And, while most fantasies are perfectly healthy, there are some that might raise a few eyebrows, and could even signal potential red flags in your relationship. 

Here, psychologist Emma Kenny reveals what your man’s sexual fantasy really means and what to look out for.

Raucous role play

If your man loves a bit of costume drama in the bedroom, it’s representing more than just a fun night in. 

Role play shows he’s creative, open-minded, and keen to keep things fresh. 

Whether it’s dressing up as a superhero or getting into character as the strict headteacher, he’s someone who doesn’t shy away from adding a bit of spice to your love life.  

He’s imaginative and probably great at surprises, but at times this could also mean he fails to take certain responsibilities seriously. 

Multi-partner fantasies

This fantasy could have the potential to make you feel a little uncomfortable, and even a tad insecure. 

But if he’s dreaming about being with more than one person at a time, it may simply be that he craves variety and excitement – it doesn’t have to mean that he’s looking to stray. 

He might just be wired to fantasise about the forbidden.  

He’s adventurous and likely very open about his desires, but if this is a recurring fantasy, you might want to ask if he’s feeling truly fulfilled.

If he keeps pushing this idea, it might be a sign of deeper commitment issues.

Power and control (or rough play)

Does your man like being in charge in the bedroom?

A little bit of power play is perfectly normal, as many men enjoy feeling dominant because it makes them feel desired. 

Men who crave adventure in their fantasies are often adrenaline junkies who love the thrill of being caught

Emma Kenny

But there’s a fine line between being assertive and tipping over into rough territory.  

Whilst it can feel exciting to allow him to be in control at times, if he’s only turned on by dominance it might be masking some insecurity, or a need for control outside the bedroom.

Keep things balanced.

Adventure and spontaneity

Is he always suggesting a quickie in the park or a risqué encounter somewhere public?

Men who crave adventure in their fantasies are often adrenaline junkies who love the thrill of being caught. 

Whilst he seems exciting and brings energy to your relationship, just make sure his sense of adventure doesn’t push your boundaries too far.

What’s exciting for him might leave you feeling exposed in more ways than one!

Passion and romance

If your man’s fantasies are more about sweeping you off your feet, lighting candles, and making every encounter feel like a scene from a rom-com, lucky you.

He’s all about emotional connection and making sure you feel adored.

He’s deeply in tune with your emotional needs, and sex is about bonding for him. 

The only possible concern with this ‘green flag flyer’ is that on occasion he may be so focused on keeping things perfect that he avoids dealing with any real issues in the relationship.

Flexibility and openness

If your guy is all about exploring new things, whether it’s trying out toys, different positions, or even new relationship dynamics, it means he’s not afraid to push boundaries and is open to new experiences. 

He’s clearly open-minded, which can make for a really fulfilling sex life.

While fantasies are just that, fantasies, this could be a clue that he needs to work on feeling secure in his everyday life

Emma Kenny

But if he’s constantly pushing for more extreme or unconventional ideas, you might wonder if he’s chasing novelty at the expense of intimacy.

The red flag fantasy – total control

Here’s where it gets a little dicey.

If your man’s fantasies are all about him calling the shots, and if his ultimate turn-on is having complete control – with absolutely no input from you – it could be a sign of deeper issues.

Fantasies like this suggest he’s struggling with power dynamics, and that can spill over into real life.  

While fantasies are just that, fantasies, this could be a clue that he needs to work on feeling secure in his everyday life. 

If he can’t allow you to have a say in the bedroom, then he may very well struggle with you having any say, anywhere, full stop.