Love Is Blind Recap: Cut the Cameras

The edit is not edit-ing, y’all. I don’t know whether this is coming from Netflix’s cutting room floor or from the cast telling camera crews to scram, but we’re really being kept at arm’s length. Big dramatic moments have been happening offscreen all season. I definitely understand wanting to keep certain conflicts private, but it’s starting to feel like important follow-up conversations are also being heavily condensed or not shown at all. The pacing of a lot of these relationships just feels off this week. Look, I’m not asking Love Is Blind to turn into Big Brother and have cameras rolling 24/7 — trust me, as a recapper, that’s actually the last thing I want — but I don’t think it would hurt to let us in a little more.

This week, we’ve got a mini-reunion that doubles as a Gatsby-themed party, which we learn with zero further explanation when costumes start arriving in Amazon boxes. Only three couples make it to the wedding fittings, where the women all choose the second dress they try on, and mothers, friends, and Lacheys are assured that these relationships are on track for marriage. As usual, let’s break down what happens pair by pair, starting with two very overdue breakups.

Hannah and Nick
Who else cheered? Hannick was never going to work out. They can’t even take engagement photos without having a moment. After an indoor obstacle course date, Nick says he wants to be treated like an equal, and Hannah replies that she will when he starts contributing like one. Oof. As if Hannah doesn’t already have enough concerns about the man, who she at one point calls Icky Nicky, she also tells Ashley at the Gatsby party that Nick is not doing his part sexually and is “very jealous” of her vibrator. (I wonder how Mrs. Dorka would feel seeing the potential daughter-in-law she made ropa vieja for dragging her son on TV for being grossed out by oral sex? I assume Nick will tell her to skip this episode.)

Then there’s the Katie situation. Before the party, we learn that Nick and Katie, who is apparently Hannah’s best friend, were each other’s top pick for the first three days in the pods. “Should I kill her?” Hannah jokes while watching them reunite. Katie does keep telling people that Nick is cuter in person, but am I the only one who sees that as a backhanded compliment? I fear she doesn’t want your man, Hannah. She’s saying he looks ugly or, at the very least, un-photogenic on social media. Admittedly, Katie’s “love is maybe not blind” comment sounds loaded. But after hearing more of that 40-minute conversation … even when Katie literally says she loves Nick, I think she’s just trying to gently ease into her main point, which is that he sometimes thinks he’s being charming when he’s actually objectifying women and coming across as immature. Not sure how much of her message a smiley Nick absorbs, though.

Back at Nick and Hannah’s apartment, Nick doesn’t think he did anything wrong, and Hannah says it’s about respect. It’s the duck argument all over again, except this time, she declares that she turned Nick from a boy into a man. So much for her goal of wanting to show him how much of a “fun-ass person” she is! After some unproductive back-and-forth, Hannah tries to end the argument, first by telling him he looks hot and then by saying it’s time to sleep.

Things are still tense when Hannah introduces Nick to her friends, who are deeply unimpressed. Hannah later tells her mom that she and Nick aren’t a match on any level. Unsurprisingly, the next time we see her and Nick together, she breaks up with him, citing the same issues she’s had with him since Cabo. She’s not moved by Nick’s claim that he can take care of things, such as the cat his dad feeds in the morning. Nick says he thought he was good enough for her, and this might be the worst he’s ever felt in his life.

Here’s where things get interesting. In person, the breakup ends with them saying they love each other and hugging it out. But Hannah also says that she called Nick first because she didn’t want to blindside him with the breakup. Apparently, he immediately wanted to make a game plan. In a confessional, Hannah describes feeling “manipulated,” claiming that Nick was more focused on coming off well on TV than on being present with her. Meanwhile, Nick suggests in a confessional that Hannah broke up with him because she was afraid he would say no at the altar. He randomly quotes a Drake song to deny that. Whatever happened on that call, I suspect they both hung up feeling self-conscious about how they’ll be perceived because their on-camera breakup and confessionals feel hollow and almost rehearsed. Well, I’m just glad this relationship is over. That first breakup in the pods should’ve been permanent.

Alex and Tim 
I think Tim has been done with Alex since Cabo. She tells his parents that she wants a husband she can depend on, smiling over at Tim as she adds, “Even if I’m really annoying him.” It’s telling that Tim’s expression remains solemn. He later privately tells his parents that he and Alex are out of sync on lighter stuff.

They’ve also got deeper issues, as evidenced by their next argument. Seconds after Alex sits down to eat her first meal of the day, Tim tells Alex that he doesn’t think it’s okay that his parents drove ten hours to meet her, but she took a nap after the cameras cut. Alex says she thought it would be okay because they’d already talked for four hours and would’ve stayed up if she knew it meant this much to him.

But Tim does not appreciate being interrupted. He has more to get off his chest about how she apparently missed a phone call and wasn’t as responsive to texts as he would’ve liked, yet wanted him to stay on the phone when he didn’t feel like having a conversation anymore. He says she shouldn’t get to “dictate” when they talk. From Alex’s perspective, Tim wants her to do everything by his book, but isn’t telling her the rules. She says she’s trying her hardest and is ready to listen, but Tim has already decided Alex is not what he wants in a wife.

After confirming that Tim’s mind is made up, Alex criticizes him for breaking things off a couple of days after asking for her dad’s blessing and making him so emotional. (I’m just glad that there was no wedding. If Alex’s dad made the effort to come despite his limited mobility and saw his daughter get rejected at the altar, that would have felt truly cruel.) Tim starts bringing up more events we haven’t heard about, including her not acknowledging his cuddling and his having to ask her to wash dishes after he cooked a huge meal for her family. He admits that he might not always communicate certain things. “However, if I have to communicate that, I am not the one for you,” he concludes.

At this point, I’m expecting them to tensely but politely agree that a breakup is for the best, because their personalities and conflict resolution styles are obviously not a good fit. Instead, Tim ends up saying that he’s glad Alex feels like this is a slap in the face. He declares that he never wants to see her again and sarcastically adds, “This was nice.” At the Gatsby party, they ignore each other all night, and Alex tells the women that Tim’s a coward. Whew, I could never have predicted this hostile ending when I was crying during their dates in the pods. How long do we think he waited before asking for his sister’s bracelet back?

Ashley and Tyler
Tyler has regained Ashley’s trust after giving her some space and clarifying that he’s just a sperm donor to kids who probably don’t even know what he looks like — which is potentially such a sinister thing to say given that there’s alleged photographic evidence of him being an actively involved father. I mean, people on social media are calling him “Tyler the Procreator.” They’re saying he donated his sperm, uh, in person … and allegedly texted another woman asking to come over while engaged. I really hope Ashley isn’t blindsided by all these claims.

By the time Ashley and Tyler go on a go-kart date, she’s decided to forgive him, although she notes that it’ll be a different story if “any more cats crawl out them bags.” He laughs and says that won’t happen. There are giant gaps in this couple’s story line. Like, how did Ashley even find out about these kids? Did he ’fess up on his own, or did someone reach out? Last week, Ashley also alluded to wanting to see papers proving that he was uninvolved with these kids, but we don’t get much clarity on if or how Tyler delivered. She only vaguely says that Tyler is enough of a reward to be worth those kids potentially coming into her life in five years.

Ashley and Tyler both get very emotional at their fittings. They also fulfill Ashley’s childhood wish of taking a literal leap of faith and skydiving before her wedding, which thankfully takes 40 seconds and not the rest of their lives. Afterward, Ashley brings up her fears about childbirth. Tyler’s sensitive when she uses the word “donate” to describe his contribution. He’s sticking to his story. At this point, whether it’s a yes or no at the altar feels unimportant. I need to see how Tyler explains himself at the reunion before I can feel happy for Ashley.

Marissa and Ramses
There’s so much to worry about with this couple. Ramses is concerned about Marissa’s shifting timeline for having kids. Meanwhile, Marissa says she’s “clearly sick,” bringing up a vitamin-D deficiency and PMS. This could apply to last week’s conversation about her reluctance to go on birth control and his reluctance to have protected sex. But it seems like there are now also concerns about physical affection in general; she says she’s not always in the mood for what she describes as his “petting.” When Marissa brings up men who cheat on their wives when their health changes and asks if that’s gonna be an issue for Ramses, he replies that it’s a fair question instead of immediately saying no.

But the next time we see Marisa and Ramses, they’re planning a boho glam wedding on a bed of rose petals. Ramses is playfully asking if they’re going to descend from the heavens to fulfill her idea of not having separate aisles. They do bring up physical intimacy but laugh and say, “We figured that out quickly.” It seems like they’re attributing that issue to the fact that Marissa — in her own words! — sucks when she’s on her period, and Ramses says he currently has no big doubts about getting married. Okay … so does that mean they came to an off-camera resolution about condoms and children, too?

At the tux fittings, Ramses tells his friend he’s falling more in love with Marissa every day. But four days before the wedding, they’re stressed again on a boat date. Marissa says that Ramses hasn’t been putting in enough effort with wedding planning or her mother, which makes her worry that she’ll have to bear the mental load in their marriage. On the other hand, she’s also prepared to be unhappy for five to seven YEARS before considering divorce. It’s a lot to take in for Ramses, who seems to also be feeling some pressure to make his second marriage his last.

We’re thrown into yet another conflict two days before the wedding. The only introduction we get is the sound of a toilet flushing while Ramses has his head in his hands. Marissa says that unnamed outside influences have made him concerned about what she thinks is just the inevitable risk of falling in love. Did something specific happen to trigger this conversation? Or are these just general doubts? I have no idea, and not in a fun, suspenseful way. I was initially trying to figure out if I thought one of them would say no at the altar, but now I’m not convinced they’ll even make it that far.

Taylor and Garrett
These two always feel like they’re in a Hallmark movie. What do you mean they want to have a letter-writing station at their wedding because they’ve been hiding notes for each other to find, in the spirit of the love letters Taylor’s grandparents sent each other? Still, every rom-com needs its obstacles, and Taylor and Garrett deliver with a major fight.

Shortly before the Gatsby party, Taylor learns that an ex has reached out to Garrett. He initially makes it sound like he just liked the message and forgot to mention it. I wish we had heard how she found out, what the ex’s message said, and why Garrett and this person broke up. But we just know that this is tough for Taylor, who’s been cheated on before. She says they’ll get through this, though. Before they head inside, Garrett still tells her she looks “fucking great,” and there’s plenty of affection in the way Taylor tells him to shut up. But while chatting with Tyler and Ashley, Garrett changes his story to clarify that he did respond to say that he’s engaged and wished his ex well. Taylor cries with Ashley in the bathroom before coming out to bicker with Garrett about the difference between facts and details. She’s now unsure about having him meet her family in San Diego the next day, which could mean calling off the whole wedding. Garrett says he’ll be “miserable” if that happens, arguing that this doesn’t define him.

Next thing we know, these two are in a car in San Diego. Taylor explains in a confessional that she and Garrett stayed up all night talking and crying. Apparently, his reaction to his ex was a lot more friendly than she expected. But she also says that he didn’t do this intentionally or maliciously, so she just wants to table this and celebrate their relationship. It’s a bit jarring to cut to footage of them smiling with her family, but that’s about all the resolution we get.

Despite the fact that previews have been teasing it as a tense conversation, Taylor and Garrett have a pretty pleasant meal with her mom. Taylor continues singing his praises while trying on wedding dresses. At his fitting, Garrett tells his friends he doesn’t want to lose her, and notes that he’s never been in a relationship where he didn’t “have all the power.”

Anyway, they’re definitely in good spirits during their date at a very trippy gallery. Garrett says that the happiness of this experience far outweighs the stress. Given that they’re able to lightly banter about p-values and whether opened mustard goes in the fridge, they seem to have worked through the ex situation. I just think it’s giving me a bit of whiplash to see them move past it so quickly, considering how much screen time the initial fight got. Still, out of all the couples left, when they say they love each other, I believe it the most.

See y’all at the finale!

Extra Engaged

• Someone thankfully asked Monica what Stephen put in his Venmo note, and whew … I personally think she’s entitled to hold a grudge. But at the Gatsby party, Monica tells the other women that she called Stephen and they’re in a good place. She says they talked for more than two hours, and while she’s not excusing his actions or open to dating him again, she believes he’s a good person who fucked up. I mean, Monica did let him know in the pods that she’s always found a way to forgive cheating exes. Time is a flat circle?

• Who styled Bohdan? He’s not giving Gatsby at the party. He looks more like he should be rowing a boat in Venice.

• During the “coming up” preview in the first episode this season, Ramses says, “If I wasn’t engaged, I would have sex with you.” We haven’t gotten to that yet … yikes, is that going to happen in the finale? Or did Netflix just splice soundbites together to make it sound like Ramses said that when he didn’t? Now that would be a wild edit.