We’re swingers but still in a monogamous relationship – we tell everyone, even though my son gets hell at school

A COUPLE who go swinging together say it’s not cheating because they are sexually polyamorous but emotionally monogamous.

Lacy M and her husband Dan, both 40, joined the swinging community after the breakdown of their respective marriages.

The pair met on a swingers dating app and after becoming official decided that they wanted to carry on swinging and “explore” their sexuality further.

But the couple admit that they do get jealous when their partner is with other people – and will talk through it.

“For me, I wasn’t necessarily looking for a life partner,” says Lacy, a content creator, from Nashville, Tennessee.

“I was enjoying the swinger lifestyle, but it was nice to have someone where I could still be free to live this life and have this relationship.”

Dan, who also works as a content creator, reflected on meeting Lacy after his divorce.

“I was very similar to Lacy, we were both in long-term relationships and I was married for 13 years – she was married for seven,” he says.

“When Lacy and I first met, I was jaded to the whole system.

“I was against relationships altogether at that time but from talking to Lacy constantly and meeting her my opinion changed.”

Dan has two children and Lacy has one from their previous relationships.

“I had been single for a couple of years and had several long-term relationships that didn’t work out,” Lucy recalls.

“The last guy I dated told me there was a club where people could go have sex and you could watch.

“The thought of watching and being watched was definitely a turn on for me.

“I started doing research into the swinger lifestyle and I joined a swinger website – the rest was history.”

The couple first met on a swingers website in 2019 and started messaging.

At the time Dan said it seemed “sketchy” as he didn’t see “beautiful” single girls on the app.

“She messaged me first and I was sceptical as you don’t see a lot of beautiful single women on these sites,” he explains.

“I wasn’t sure but we chatted a bit and exchanged a few pictures.

“Later that night she turned up at my hotel room and she was a very real person.”

The couple continued to message back and forth before becoming official in September 2019.

After four years of being a long-distance couple they moved to Nashville, Tennessee and started a life together.

We are emotionally monogamous but very much sexually non-monogamous.

Lacy M

Despite being in a relationship together, Lacy and Dan wanted to continue with the swinger’s lifestyle.

“For me, I loved the ability of exploring my sexuality,” Lacy explains.

“I love exploring these things with my partner, we are emotionally monogamous but very much sexually non-monogamous.”

“The sex is great, orgies, couples swaps, and meeting up with single females is amazing – but also the community is amazing,” Dan added.

“If you are an adult in your 30s through to your 60s there are not a lot of social things people can do.

“Swingers have it down, half the people that come to the parties come for the party and are not there for sex.”

Lacy and Dan said that boundaries are important when it comes to swinging.

They are always in the same room, any communication with people is done through group messaging and they always wear protection.

Despite the boundaries, Dan and Lacy said they can experience jealousy from time to time but say it is natural.

“Jealousy is a feeling – it is about how you cope with it,” Lacy says.

I can get jealous when he is softer with girls if he rubs her face or back or kisses her passionately.

Lacy M

“I can get jealous when he is softer with girls, if he rubs her face or back or kisses her passionately.

“For me, it is making sure I tell Dan it is bothering me.

“The problem comes when you experience these feelings in the heat of the moment and you make a scene.”

The pair said that swinging is a great way to build a network of friends and will regularly meet up with friends they have met in the community.

“Meeting new couples and forming a connection with them can be hard so a lot of times we rely on our long-term friends,” Dan says.

“We have a lot of couples that we are [ our] friends with benefits and there is a lot of emotional connection there, similar to how anyone is friends.”

Lacy and Dan said their family have been overall supportive of their lifestyle but some members of the family were shocked at first.

My dad is a real supporter of it and my mum doesn’t talk about it.

Dan

“I come from a very open and accepting family,” Lacy explains.

“I was fortunate in that sense, they love us and they are accepting.”

However, their non-traditional lifestyle has caused some issues for their children.

“Someone told my son at school so I had to have that conversation with him,” she says.

“I wish he could have found out from me but he is in middle school and there is a certain level of people saying ‘your mum is a swinger.'”

“My dad is a real supporter of it and my mum doesn’t talk about it,” Dan added.

“She said as long as it was safe and OK, that was it and we don’t talk about it.

“We’re really lucky, we have friends who have family members in the church and aren’t able to see their parents.

“We have been very fortunate with our family and their support.”