I wanted to throw myself in front of cars over misunderstood condition any woman could have – MAFS saved my life
KRISTINA Goodsell had always suffered from abnormally heavy periods, but it wasn’t until she began crying hysterically after her Big Mac fell apart when she was a teenager she realised she needed help.
The Married At First Sight (MAFS) star, 31, has bravely shared details of her rare hormonal condition on the Channel 4 show – and has now revealed how it was once so debilitating, she once contemplated opening the car door when she was driving because she didn’t want to live.
Kristina suffers from Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which causes extreme emotional and physical symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.
It affects around 5.5% of women in the UK, and is often both misunderstood and misdiagnosed.
The dog walker, who owns her own animal care business, revealed that for two weeks of the month she is a bubbly carefree woman.
However, during the two weeks before her period she turns into an entirely different one, hit by a debilitating feeling of depression that leaves her left “rotting in bed”, and unable to do simple tasks, like washing her hair.
“The only way I can describe it is I feel like I’m in a swimming pool and the surface is just above my head,” she tells Fabulous.
“And I’m swimming and swimming and trying to get to the top, but there’s something holding my foot down, and I’m drowning in my emotions.
“I genuinely think it’s the end of the world, and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
She says on bad days, she often aches from head to toe and feels so exhausted she struggles to keep her eyes open.
When Kristina first went to the doctors for help she recalls being told that she had depression.
Throughout her teenage years she was prescribed anti-depressants but was certain she had been misdiagnosed.
Minor things sent her spiralling during two weeks of the month but for the rest of the time she felt completely fine. And various anti depressants didn’t ease her symptoms either.
“I knew within me that I wasn’t depressed, and I knew that there was something more going on,” she explains.
As she got older, Kristina began entering romantic relationships but they proved to be a huge struggle. Partners couldn’t understand why she was happy one minute, and crying uncontrollably the next.
“My partners just thought I was crazy, I was so hard to live with,” she recalls.
“I felt like a burden, and thought my partners would be better off without me.”
Eventually, the East Sussex born star, who was matched with happy-go-lucky Geordie lad Kieran Chapman on MAFS, took matters into her own hands and after doing her own research, she realised she was showing all the signs of PMDD.
What is PMDD?
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a severe and chronic medical condition that affects a small percent of people who menstruate.
It is a more intense form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and is characterised by a range of emotional, mental, and physical symptoms that can significantly disrupt daily life. Unlike PMS, which might cause mild discomfort or irritability, PMDD symptoms can be debilitating and often require medical attention.
The exact cause of PMDD is not fully understood, but it is believed to be linked to hormonal changes that occur during the menstrual cycle, particularly fluctuations in oestrogen and progesterone. These hormonal shifts can affect neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin, which plays a critical role in mood regulation. Genetic factors may also contribute to the development of PMDD, as the disorder tends to run in families.
Symptoms of PMDD typically appear in the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle, which is the time between ovulation and the start of menstruation. Common symptoms include severe mood swings, depression, irritability, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness. Physical symptoms can also manifest, such as fatigue, bloating, breast tenderness, and headaches. These symptoms usually subside once menstruation begins, providing temporary relief until the next cycle.
Treatment for PMDD often involves a combination of lifestyle changes, medication, and therapy. Lifestyle adjustments, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep, can help manage symptoms. Medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and hormonal treatments may also be prescribed to alleviate the disorder’s impact. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can be beneficial in addressing the emotional and psychological aspects of PMDD, offering coping strategies and support.
“It made me feel horrendous,” she admits.
“Why hadn’t my GP picked up on this? I knew I wasn’t depressed.”
Determined to get an official diagnosis, Kristina booked an appointment with a gynaecologist, but on the day of the appointment her symptoms were so severe, she couldn’t string a sentence together.
“I literally sat in front of the gynaecologist and sobbed, I was hysterical, I couldn’t communicate,” she says.
Worse still, the appointment ended with Kristina being referred to a psychiatric ward.
“That burned a hole in my heart,” she admits.
“It was so destroying, I felt worthless.”
Describing her lowest point in her PMDD journey, Kristina bravely confesses: “I was driving on the motorway, and I just thought there was no way out.
“I just wanted to open the car door, and let fate take it’s course.
“I didn’t want to be here anymore, I’d had enough.”
Kristina says she has constantly been dismissed as being dramatic, but after following Geordie Shore‘s Vicky Pattison, who has been open and honest about her own struggles with PMDD, she now feels less alone.
When she got the call for MAFS, Kristina was so nervous about how she would cope with the stress of the experiment.
But she says “MAFS saved my life”, thanks to the amazing support of the welfare team and her co-stars on the show.
During her stint on the reality series, one of the show’s psychologists confirmed to Kristina that she did have PMDD, and helped her to understand the condition better.
He also helped her to create a name for the person she becomes when her symptoms flare up.
“I’m not ‘Stina on my PMDD days,” she reveals, referring to her real name.
“The psychologist helped me to come up with a name for the silly voice in my head, so we call her Janice, and I tell her to go away.”
And due to how confident being on the show made her feel, Kristina was able to push for an official diagnosis from a gynaecologist after exiting the series.
Eventually, Kristina was prescribed escitalopram, an effective medication for PMDD, which she says made her ‘feel brilliant’ and saved her life.
“I couldn’t believe it,” she says.
I just wanted to open the car door, and let fate take it’s course
Kristina Goodsell
“I felt happier for longer, and wasn’t crying at silly things.
“I honestly wouldn’t be here without this medication.”
She says ‘Janice’ hasn’t made a return since but she still experiences low days.
“I’ve been told by doctors that to completely cure my symptoms, I’d either need a hysterectomy, or have an injection that would take me into early menopause,” she explains.
“But that means I wouldn’t be able to have children.
“I’m 31, the last thing I need right now is to be peri-menopausal.”
But Kristina won’t rule it out altogether, adding: “If I’m really fighting a battle here then I will definitely opt for the hysterectomy.”
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