SINGAPORE – Leaving your home and family behind, and moving to a new city in search of a better life is one of the most challenging things one a person can do.

Mieviy Dasal, 47, did it not once or twice, but three times. Her journey has taken her from the Philippines to Singapore and now Denmark. Along the way she found love — first with her host family who became a second family to her, and then meeting and marrying her husband.

Mieviy was born in the province of Capiz, in Western Visayas, to parents who were farmers. She grew up with three brothers and one sister, in a family of five children. Life in Capiz was simple and serene, with Mieviy recalling the brilliant green rice fields that surrounded her hometown.

However, her father died when she was relatively young, and she went to live with her aunt, who supported her in her studies in return for working in their household. Mieviy managed to qualify for university studies, but dropped out after one semester.

“You know when you are studying in college, and you see all your cousins working in Manila, you feel jealous. Oh they are working, they have a good life. So I decided to [stop] my studies and follow my cousins to Manila, to join them and work in a factory.”

Mieviy was happy working in the nation’s capital, a big city so different from her own quiet hometown. But after some years, she felt the urge to move on once again. Her next destination? Singapore.

She had a cousin working in Singapore, who said she could earn quite a bit and support her family, and invited Mieviy to do the same. After settling the paperwork, she boarded a plane in 2008 to fly to Singapore for the first time. 

Mieviy was excited about starting a new life in a different country, taking in the sights like Singapore’s tall buildings and greenery among the concrete jungle. But at the same time, she was nervous too.

The case of Flor Contemplacion, a Philippine domestic worker who was hanged in Singapore after being found guilty of murder, was still fresh in her mind. In 1991, Contemplacion murdered her friend, fellow Filipino domestic worker Della Maga and the son of Maga’s employer, Nicholas Huang, who was 4 years old at the time. She was sentenced to death and executed in March 1995.

The case stirred up outrage among the Philippine public, who initially believed that Contemplacion was innocent and accused the government of then-president Fidel V. Ramos of “inaction” over the case. 

It damaged diplomatic relations between Singapore and the Philippines, which only abated after two autopsies were carried out and the Philippine government accepted the initial findings.

This case, in addition to reports of employers in Singapore ill-treating their domestic workers, worried Mieviy. However, fate dealt her a kind hand. She started working for the Lim family, and from 2009 to 2023, she stayed with them throughout her time in Singapore.

“I am so blessed and lucky to have [the Lims] as my employers since the beginning,” she said. She appreciated how the Lims made her feel welcomed to their family.

“They told me eat whatever you want to eat, do whatever you want to do in the house, as long as you take care of the child,” she said. At the time, they had a 4-month-old daughter, and Mieviy helped to look after her.

Her employers also brought her out on the weekends so that she wouldn’t get too bored at home, and to see more of Singapore, such as shopping at the popular Lucky Plaza mall in Orchard Road. She recalled watching a fireworks show in one of their first outings, which she had never seen before.

When the Lims went on their annual family holiday, Mieviy would be free to visit her family back in the Philippines. At other times, she went on holiday together with the family to Hong Kong and Taiwan.

Mieviy was also included in all the family festivities, such as Chinese New Year and Christmas. She recounted helping to prepare feasts and receiving a hong bao (red packet with money) every Chinese New Year. 

For Christmas, they would have gift exchanges and she would receive gifts like handphones. Other than the gifts, Mieviy fondly recalled being treated like a member of the family during the celebrations.

“We are all family. It’s not like, ‘you are a helper, you sit [at] one side. I sit together with them. I laugh with them. I cry with them. Everything is together.”

For the children

According to her former employer, Mr Lim, it was important to help Mieviy feel comfortable about living and working in Singapore.

“Me and my spouse believe that taking care of [Mieviy’s] physical and mental well-lbeing are vital for her to adjust to life in Singapore quickly and happily,” he said, adding that this was so she could focus on her duties, which included taking care of his two children, who were just infants back then.

Lim fondly recalled the kindness and thoughtfulness that Mieviy displayed to his children while they were growing up.

“[She] loved to surprise my kids on their birthday celebrations when they were young by organising birthday parties for them, to ensure they have memorable experiences.  Mieviy would also surprise the children with hand-made gifts, such as princess dresses for the daughter, or a Harry Potter broomstick for the son.

Said Lim of her generosity: “This made my family feel fortunate to have a helper that could understand and bond with the kids easily. Words are powerless to express our heartfelt gratitude to her.”

Finding love

While taking care of the Lim family children, Mieviy had no time to find a husband or have kids of her own. But as luck would have it, she had an old friend who happened to marry a Danish man and settle down in Denmark.

That friend told her husband about Mieviy, who passed her number to a relative.

Laughing, she recalled the first time he sent her a message. It was a simple picture of some flowers, from a strange number with no profile photo. Naturally, Mieviy dismissed it, thinking it was a wrong number.

But the messages kept coming, and soon she found out the truth. She and her would-be suitor, who wished to be known only as John, soon started chatting on a daily basis.

“Every morning he wakes up in Denmark, seven o’clock, which is one o’clock [in the afternoon], Singapore time. I received a good morning from him every [day] for four years.”

In time, the couple discovered they had feelings for each other, and John wanted to fly to Singapore to meet her. But another obstacle loomed in their path: the COVID-19 pandemic. For years, international travel was a dicey affair, and they would have to wait longer for a face-to-face meeting.

The delay also gave Lim the time he needed to make sure that John was on the level and not a scammer. When John finally arrived in Singapore, the family hosted a dinner which turned into an “interviewing session” for the bashful beau.

Questions about his family background, his job, his residence, and lots more were asked, and satisfactorily answered, Lim recalled. “Mieviy was candid to share with us his financial status and convinced us that he had the financial means to provide Mieviy a good life in Denmark.  We were impressed with his sincerity and unwavering love for her, as he had waited patiently for the Covid lockdown period to end, so that he could travel to Singapore to meet her.”

He also shared that when John was at the airport about to return to Denmark, he became emotional and did not wish to leave Mieviy’s side.

“From that moment, we knew very clearly that [she] would be in the safe hands and care of Mieviy to lead a better life in the future,” he said.

For Mieviy, parting was bittersweet. She had fond memories of watching the children grow up, appreciated Mrs Lim’s help with her visa applications and wedding preparations, and was grateful to Mr Lim for believing in her and pushing her to achieve more.

“Your guidance, trust and support have made all the difference in my growth. I feel so blessed and thankful that they are my employer,” she said, adding that she would always remember the close friendships she built in her 16 years in Singapore.

A wedding, and a family

Mieviy and John got married in June 2023 in a church wedding in Denmark.

For her, it was another transition, but made easier by her partner’s relatives, who tried their best to help her settle in her new home despite the language barrier.

Although one of her dreams was coming true, she had another wish — for the Lim family to join her on her special day. At first, the family could not make it due to work commitments.

But when he realized how much it meant to her, Lim rearranged his schedule and bought last minute tickets to fly to Denmark just to attend the wedding.

“The trip to Denmark was the most memorable experience which my family members have ever had in our life. We were so excited for M on her wedding day and we were there to help her with the wedding preparations.”

“That’s the most unforgettable moment of my life,” said Meiviy, “That they flew all the way here, to Denmark just to attend and be my guardian, and the two children be my sponsors, they walked in front of me [down the aisle].”

While she may have gotten her fairy-tale ending, Meiviy is aware that not all overseas workers are able to do the same. She sacrificed years of her life to help raise children not her own, and while she enjoyed a good relationship with her employers, not everyone is as fortunate.

Still, Meiviy has some words of advice for those still working in Singapore.

“To all my Filipino [friends] in Singapore, just do what makes you happy, don’t stop yourself [from] exploring outside your job. You can be happy and enjoy the work you have…and don’t rush [and think like] ‘I must get married by this age. No, just wait for the right time. Everything happens at the right time.” – Rappler.com

Sulaiman Daud is a 2024 #FactsMatter fellow of Rappler. He is a writer and editor at Mothership, Singapore’s youth-focused digital news platform.