After undergoing chemotherapy I am not interested in sex and I know my husband misses it
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER undergoing two rounds of chemotherapy and surgery, I feel very lucky that my cancer is in remission and I’m extremely well.
Last year was very scary, and I spent a lot of time feeling very sick and tired.
My chemo ended in 2023 but I still have zero sex drive.
Prior to my diagnosis we had such a good sex life and both felt so connected and fulfilled.
Now my lovely husband of 30 years never hassles me for sex but I feel so guilty as he definitely feels the loss of our active sex life.
But I just don’t think of sex any more.
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I’m 55 and he is 56.
Please can you advise me on how I can get my mojo back. And is there any medication I can take?
Even though I don’t want sex, I really do miss feeling close to my husband.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is great to read that your cancer is in remission and you feel well.
You feel bad your sex drive hasn’t returned a year after treatment finished, but the reality is that, although that chapter has ended, you are still living with the physical and emotional fallout. Go easy on yourself.
You feel well, but many women struggle to come to terms with physical changes to their body.
As you have had surgery and extensive treatment, you may feel differently about how your body looks now.
In addition, you may feel self-conscious about your husband seeing your new body and worry he might not find you as attractive.
You’ve been through huge emotional turmoil and may be worried about your future.
Low libido tends to gradually improve after treatment, but often takes longer.
It can help to treat each other to a massage – without the pressure to have sex.
By taking care of each other in this way, you can both benefit from those warm sensations and will also, in turn, feel closer.
Feeling so relaxed may help your libido.
It is also worthwhile considering seeing a sex therapist. The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT.org) can help you contact a reputable counsellor.