Incredibly Specific Struggles Only Elder Emos Will Understand
Despite what your mother and friends and therapist were hoping, it wasn’t a phase. It’s clinical! That’s right, you’re an elder emo. You grew up downloading music on Limewire and breaking your family computer in the process. You subscribe to no labels except for Fueled by Ramen. You miss the days when you could burn your crush CDs filled with songs confessing your feelings. You were convinced you were being mysterious and you absolutely weren’t. But it’s okay!
If you’re an elder emo, you’re wistful and nostalgic and most likely mentally ill now. Thankfully, you’re not alone. We elder emos need to stick together. And how do we do that better than by sharing in our misery business? As such, here are some incredibly specific struggles only elder emos can relate to.
Being unable to stifle a Tom Delonge accent when you hear “I Miss You.”
“Yer alreadee the voice inside miiiii yead.” This urge actually goes for any blink-182 song, but “I Miss You” is nearly impossible not to scream out. It doesn’t matter if you’re at the bar or a grocery store. If this banger comes on, you’re singing.
How you simultaneously hate Machine Gun Kelly but also appreciate him because he’s making pop punk A Thing again.
And Tickets To My Downfall is catchy, admit it! Machine Gun Kelly is kind of a dick but he also has been triggering that teenage angst we’ve been suppressing all these years and making pop punk popular again.
With songs like “my ex’s best friend” and “bloody valentine” playing on the radio, it almost feels like 2006 again. Almost.
Brand New.
I don’t think I need to say anything else.
No longer having access to your Limewire downloads.
To this day, I am still haunted by an unreleased song by Death Cab For Cutie I downloaded in 2008 and lost when the computer was ravaged by the virus that was Limewire. No idea what it was called, couldn’t sing it if I tried, but I will always remember it and miss it like an old friend whose number I no longer have saved.
Wanting guyliner to make the epic comeback it deserves.
Bring. It. Back. ????
How Travis Barker is engaged to Kourtney Kardashian and you kind of love it even though you want to hate it.
Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian are as unlikely a pair as they come but here we are. And you have to admit, you kind of love them together. While you’re basically against everything the Kardashians are and stand for, you love seeing Travis back in the public eye and happy. Ya win some, ya lose some.
As it turns out, adulthood is really all panic, no disco.
Tom knew what he was talking about when he said work sucked. (We now know!) Adulthood is truly all panic, no disco. Bills and retirement funds and constant lower back pain. You never took back Sunday; it’s now just Sunday scaries!
The When We Were Young Festival not being Warped Tour even though it’s basically Warped Tour but it’s actually not Warped Tour.
You get what I mean.
The constant urge to tweet lyrics like it’s your AIM away message.
“Well, I guess this is growing up!” Since AIM is no longer a thing (RIP), your only outlet for sharing cryptic song lyrics is Twitter. It’s okay. Gotta express yourself somehow.
The way your younger niece was shocked that you know who My Chemical Romance is.
RESPECT ???? YOUR ???? ELDERS ????