I had an affair but the other man doesn’t want me – I feel like a stupid cow stuck with my husband & riddled with guilt
A WOMAN has revealed her “horrific pain” after having an affair and falling “hook, line and sinker for another man”.
The wife, who chose to remain anonymous, doesn’t want to confess to her husband… not because she loves him, but because it will “kill him”.
She took to Mumsnet to reveal her infidelity and seek advice.
“I had an affair,” she bluntly penned.
“I’m consumed with guilt all the time.
“I don’t want to leave my husband because it would kill him and ruin the rest of his life.”
But that’s not the worst of it, because she thinks she might be in love with the man she had an affair with.
“I still have deep feelings for the other man,” she continued.
“Him? Probably not so. He doesn’t want a life with me.
“I fell hook, line and sinker for the other man.
“I know I should tell my husband, but I can’t.
“I know everyone will say it serves me right but the pain is horrific. I have ruined my life and don’t know what to do.”
She claimed that she “created a huge fantasy that she was the most special person in” in the other bloke’s life – but realises now that wasn’t the case.
“I fell for every one-liner in the book,” she reflected.
“It’s only now I know what a stupid cow I have been.”
Fellow Mumsnet users were quick to point out that there “must’ve been something wrong with her marriage” for her to stray in the first place.
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
But she insisted that it happened because there is “definitely something wrong with the way she sees herself”.
People urged her to tell her husband, both because “he deserves to know” and because it might “make her feel better”.
The unfaithful wife has since gone silent on her Mumsnet thread, leaving other users to debate what she should do.
One penned: “By not confessing to your husband, you’re making a decision on his behalf for him to stay with a cheating wife.
“Give him all of the information and allow him the dignity to decide what he wants to do.”
Another slammed: “You’d still be having an affair if the other man still wanted you.”