We are desperate to see our estranged son – and he doesn’t want to know
DEAR DEIDRE: WE desperately want to see our estranged son but he refuses to answer our emails and calls.
All we want is for him to acknowledge us as his parents.
I am 62 and my wife is 60. We live in South Africa but our son, who is now 32, has been brought up by my wife’s cousin since the age of three when she moved with him to England.
We were struggling with poverty back then, while my wife’s cousin married an Englishman who was rich compared to us.
When she offered to take our son and give him a better life, it was the hardest decision we have ever had to make. We were depressed for quite some time after he went.
My wife suffered a breakdown but we had to keep telling ourselves that we had done the right thing.
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Unfortunately, my wife’s cousin’s marriage broke down 20 years ago and since then our relationship with her has been very strained.
We can’t think why she turned against us like this.
We have apologised and begged to re-establish our relationship but she won’t acknowledge our emails.
We have our son’s email address also, but he ignores our messages.
We feel she has robbed us of having any kind of relationship with our son.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a heartbreaking situation causing untold damage to all of you, but hang in there.
It is really important that your son knows he still has parents who love and care about him, even if you hear nothing back.
Keep sending the emails. He may change his mind in time and perhaps once he has a family of his own, he will appreciate your contact in a different light.
In the meantime, you can seek support through standalone.org.uk, which supports parents estranged from their adult children.