My rude son makes me angry whenever I am around him
DEAR DEIDRE: THERE is a ball of fire raging inside me whenever I am anywhere near my home.
I am so furious pretty much all of the time and the root of all my issues is my oldest son.
I’m 41, my husband is 43 and we have a son, 11, and daughter, nine.
He is so difficult. I ask him to do very little around the house but the effort and unpleasantness it takes to get him to complete his chores is ridiculous.
He’s rude and unpleasant and I start to feel low at school pick-up time because I know he’s going to be vile.
Punishing him is dreadful and when I say he can’t have his phone at night because of bad behaviour, the fall out is horrendous.
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His younger sister is the opposite, she wants to help and is very mellow.
I work part-time, run the house and feel as if all the child-related admin is left to me.
My husband works full-time and stays out of any discipline issues.
My son is so lucky to come from a home where we can afford clubs and days out and have a nice home and car.
Compared with my childhood his is a walk in the park. I grew up with a violent and alcoholic dad.
He used to hit my mum and I was on the wrong end of his fists plenty of times.
I have anxiety and depression, which makes coping with my son even more challenging.
Some days I have to leave the house to stop myself from hitting him. I am so exhausted.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Let your son know you love him unconditionally and by working together you can create a calmer home environment for everyone.
It is very hard to have capacity for an unsettled child when you yourself are struggling.
Please get support for yourself, so that you can be present for him.
It is vital that you visit your GP to get support for your depression.
There is so much research emerging on how damaging smartphones are for kids so please also look at charity Barnardo’s (barnardos.org. uk) who can advise about it and have a blog on keeping children safe.