My friend’s husband violently attacked her and now her personality has changed
DEAR DEIDRE: MY friend’s husband once broke her jaw and I’m so worried about her.
She has turned from a bubbly, outgoing person into a shell of herself.
But she’s too scared to leave. She told me he said he’d kill himself if she did.
We’ve been friends for 20 years. I’m male and 44 and she’s 43. Her husband of 18 years is 48.
She makes excuses for him, but it’s clear he beats and abuses her.
I barely see her because she cancels nights out at the last minute.
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I think it’s to hide her injuries. I know he checks her phone, so she’ll never write anything about him.
I want to help her escape. How?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s very hard to help someone if they aren’t ready. But being there for her is so important.
Try to get her to contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (national dahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247) and to read my support pack about Abusive Partners.
Perhaps show her your message to me and offer to lend her your phone to make some calls.
How you can get help
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families:
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline.org.uk.
Women’s Aid provides a live chat service – available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.