I feel embarrassed to learn office lover has slept with half my colleagues too
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been enjoying sex sessions with my colleague, but since finding out he is also sleeping with half of the office PLUS my boss, I’m feeling really embarrassed.
The advertising agency I work for is full of brilliant people so I was delighted when I was asked to head up a project that meant working closely with our Newcastle team.
I’m 28 and had never visited the city before. I was excited when the staff offered to show me the nightlife.
It didn’t hurt that I was incredibly attracted to one of them. He seemed quietly assured and I found myself taking in the small details of his appearance.
But he was always very professional and focused on our work.
Then one night as we left the bar, he suggested that he jump in my cab. He’s 34 and single.
As the taxi pulled away he leaned in and admitted it had taken all his self-control not to make a move on me. I was so surprised because he’d seemed uninterested until that point.
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Delighted, I responded with a kiss. He came back to my hotel, where we had sex several times.
Since then I’ve been back for two more visits and we have spent every night together.
It’s been exhausting but I loved having such a naughty secret.
Then yesterday I overheard a couple of women gossiping about “Newcastle Man”.
They were talking about his mirrored bedroom and I knew we had all slept with the same guy.
Then they dropped the real bombshell — he had also slept with my boss.
We hadn’t become exclusive, although I’d hoped our relationship would develop, but this has thrown me.
I feel like I’m just another notch. And I’m worried if my boss, who I get on really well with, finds out then work might become complicated.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: As unsettling as hearing this conversation was, it’s far better to know you are sleeping with the office stud now than further down the line.
You already sound like you are developing feelings for this man so it’s good to be offered an opportunity to recalibrate.
Neither of you is doing anything wrong (unless company relationships are frowned upon, so do check your contract).
It’s understandable why you wouldn’t want to be part of this less than exclusive club, and one that could damage your work relationships at that.
If you feel you may have a real future with this man, talk to him about what you’ve learned, and you’ll have a better sense of your next best steps after that.