Heather Graham's best career decision? Hiring herself.

Once upon a time, Heather Graham really wanted to play a murderer.

Fresh off career-making turns as the porn star Rollergirl in "Boogie Nights" and the short shorts-wearing CIA agent Felicity Shagwell in "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me," Graham wasn't having trouble getting work. It just wasn't necessarily the work she wanted.

When she heard about Patty Jenkins' plan to write and direct "Monster," the 2003 film about Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute sentenced to death after killing seven of her male clients, she longed to let loose and embody someone completely different than the hot-but-sweet girls she kept being cast to play.

"I wanted to play a role like this angry, horrible, mad serial killer," Graham recalls.

The opportunity to work with Jenkins, then an up-and-coming writer and director, was also enticing. "That was a story written by a woman about a woman," Graham says. "I'm just really intrigued, not only as an actress but as an audience member, by movies that are from a female storytelling perspective."

The role ultimately went to Charlize Theron, who won an Oscar for her performance. But Graham didn't dwell on what could have been. Instead, she kept grinding, working across studio films and indie projects — and in the meantime, she started creating the parts she wanted to see herself in.

"I think that it's probably one reason why I got into writing and directing," Graham tells BI. "Because sometimes I feel like the things that really spoke to me, and that I felt I really related to, were not always the things that people were thinking of me for."

A decade after "Monster," Graham wrote her first screenplay, which later became her 2018 directorial debut "Half Magic," about three female friends who bond over their frustrating dating lives.

Her second project as writer-director-star, "Chosen Family," in theaters now, strikes a personal chord. Graham plays Ann, a chronic people-pleaser who learns to put herself first and lean on her friends while navigating a dysfunctional family dynamic and an equally dysfunctional romantic relationship.

In addition to imbuing "Chosen Family" with details from her personal relationships, Graham sees the film as a statement: after all those years of relying on others to give her the roles she wanted, now she's taking control.

"I wanted to write something that was meaningful to me and to take the power back. Not try to get hired and try to convince people and try to get people to hire me," Graham says. "Just to hire myself, basically."

For the latest interview in BI's "Role Play" series, Graham discusses the role her religious parents made her turn down, crushing on Kyle MacLachlan while playing his love interest in "Twin Peaks," and her upcoming foray into TV.

On becoming a sex symbol despite being a nerd and why she was intimidated by her future costar Julia Stiles

In the 1990s and 2000s you were being cast pretty consistently as the "hot girl." Meanwhile, you've spoken about how you were actually a nerd as a teenager. What was it like to have that tension between how you perceived yourself and how you were being perceived by people who were casting you?

I mean, on one hand, it was really amazing because I was an insecure, nerdy kid. I had a 5.0 grade point average. I was seen to be not very pretty. And then to get cast as the cute cheerleader — I mean, that was what I was trying to be in reality, but wasn't.

But then it sort of felt that I was being seen as this person that wasn't exactly who I was. I think I always felt more like I'm this kind of Bridget Jones, kind of a little bit funny, a little bit insecure, sort of more of just a normal person. But then, I guess in some ways, I was perceived as a sex symbol.

Did you ever bristle against that perception of you?

I think I had mixed feelings. There was a part of me that really liked it because it's fun, and it felt almost like I was playing a role when I went to premieres. I was pretending to be this sexy movie star person when, in reality, I knew that I was just this nerdy kid.

And then, of course, I wanted to also be sometimes getting different work than I was getting, so that was frustrating.

Julia Stiles plays your sister in "Chosen Family." The two of you were young actors at similar times and are now still working decades later as adults. Did you two know each other in the late '90s?

I think I was at a party with her before, but, to be honest, maybe I found her kind of intimidating? I think she comes across really powerful and cool, and I just had never had the opportunity to really talk to her.

It was her participation and her attachment to the movie that got it green-lit. I'm so grateful to her, and I think that we're both in a similar situation in that she just directed a film, and we both were trying to find financing for our films. And when she agreed to do it, she's like, "I just have to make sure that it's not during the time I'm directing my movie." And I said, "I can totally understand that," because, when I would get offered acting roles, I'd be like, "Well, I got to make sure it's not when my movie's happening."

We both are excited to get behind the camera now. And also, it's cool that both of our careers have lasted a long time. I think she's a super smart, really cool person.

On turning down a role in 'Heathers' before playing a porn star in 'Boogie Nights'

Is it true you were offered a role in "Heathers" and had to turn it down?

I was offered the role of the lead Heather, and I auditioned for it, and I was excited. My father is extremely religious, and he was basically like, "We're going to kick you out of the house if you do this part."

So I turned it down because I hadn't graduated high school yet, and I thought I'll just graduate high school. And then after I graduated, I luckily didn't have to ask their permission anymore. But that was frustrating.

And that was when you were able to take things like Rollergirl, who was a porn star, in "Boogie Nights"?

After the stuff that happened when I was in high school, I decided to not include them. I mean, once I moved out, they were never a part of any decisions after that.

Did you have any other roles you regretted turning down?

Yes. And, in fact, it haunts me to this day, but I don't know if I want to talk about it.

Because, yes, I have had a few things that I turned down that I look and go, wow, that was dumb. Super dummy. But I don't want to dwell on it because I'll just get too bummed out about it.

On leading a show that got pulled after one episode and whether she'd go back to TV

Many of your best-known roles were in movies, but there was a time when you were set to lead a TV series, "Emily's Reasons Why Not," in 2006. That didn't end up continuing after the first episode. How did that moment in your career feel?

I was bummed out. And it's kind of out of my control, really, at the end of the day.

That was definitely a job that I was offered, and I thought the people involved were interesting. And I liked the premise. I think I just was in love with "Sex and the City," and I thought this could be a fun dating show. The network just didn't really believe in it, and they pulled it after an episode.

It also kind of seems like something that could've benefited from the streaming model that exists now and didn't exist then, where some shows just work better as an all-at-once release rather than week-to-week.

Yes. You can cater to niche markets more. When there were only four channels, and you really had to just be on one of those channels, and now there's so many more options.

Would you want to do more TV?

I did option a Liane Moriarty book. She wrote "Big Little Lies" and I have this book of hers called "The Hypnotist's Love Story." I'm working on it with my friend, Deb Fisher, who is the writer-showrunner of "Ginny & Georgia," and hopefully we're turning that into a limited TV series. We're working on that right now. That's my next thing I would love to do.

On crushing on Kyle MacLachlan when she got hired on 'Twin Peaks'

One of your earliest roles was Annie in "Twin Peaks." A lot of fans were bummed that Annie didn't show up, or really get addressed at all, in "The Return."

That's so nice. Well, tell David Lynch.

I had a big crush on Kyle MacLachlan when I was asked to be in that show. It was kind of a dream come true because I was watching it and being like, "Oh, my gosh. Agent Cooper is so cute." Then I got to do scenes with him.

I mean, of course, he was dating Lara Flynn Boyle at the time. But it was just really fun to get to do those scenes with him.

Did he know about your crush?

I don't know. I was so young. I think I was 20 or 21, so I was probably too insecure to tell him I had a crush on him.

Were you surprised that you weren't asked back for "The Return"?

I mean, I was bummed. But at the same point, I wasn't part of the original cast. If you think about the first season, that was what it's super famous for. I wasn't in the first season, so it wasn't that shocking to me.

Are you familiar with "The Final Dossier," the book "Twin Peaks" co-creator Mark Frost wrote that filled in the gaps about what happened in the interim between the original series and "The Return"? Annie is mentioned in that.

Really? I don't know if I ever saw that. What happens? I think it's not good, right?

Essentially, according to the book, Annie stays in a catatonic state, only emerging from it on the anniversary of when they went into the Black Lodge to say, "I'm fine."

Wow. Well, I'm still alive! It kind of was a mystery, it was sort of unclear whether I died or not. But, wow, that's cool.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

"Chosen Family" is now in theaters and available on demand.