Man Struggling To Sleep Reminds Self He Can Always Deal With Home Invasion In Morning
PARK CITY, UT— Assuring himself that the most important thing to do in the present was to try to get his full eight hours of sleep, area man Greg Pappas, who was experiencing insomnia Monday night, reminded himself there would be plenty of time tomorrow to deal with the home invasion currently underway at his house. “I know my anxiety is telling me that dealing with this is the most important thing in the world right now, but it’s actually more important that I get the rest my body needs,” Pappas said of the burglar who loudly entered through his kitchen window, setting off an alarm before making his way toward the expensive electronics in the downstairs office. “If I try to deal with this now, I’ll end up self-sabotaging in a negative thought spiral about the intruder stealing my belongings—then, I’ll really be unproductive tomorrow. I just have to remember that I’ve dealt with every other intruder in the past, and this one will be no different, so long as I get a few solid REM cycles in first. Right now, my brain needs sleep more than it needs to call the police.” At press time, Pappas reportedly put his mind at ease by setting an alarm on his phone to remind himself to deal with the burglar in the morning.
The post Man Struggling To Sleep Reminds Self He Can Always Deal With Home Invasion In Morning appeared first on The Onion.