Dear Abby: My mother seems to think she has only one grandchild
DEAR ABBY: I’m a single mother of two children, an 8-year-old daughter and a 9-year-old son. My daughter’s father is involved; my son’s father is not.
I was diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension when my daughter was born, and I was given two weeks to live. My condition has markedly improved, and I am on the best treatment there is for it.
To safeguard my son in case something happens to me, my parents and I did a third-parent adoption. With this new law, I was able to add my parents to my son’s birth certificate without giving up my parental rights, and I remain the sole custodial parent. He stays with my parents three evenings a week.
The problem is, my mother blatantly favors my son over my daughter. Last year, she planned a Disney cruise for herself, my son and me.
I understand life is not 100% fair, but her favoritism goes beyond just tickets and trips. It’s everything from gifts and attention to tone of voice and how many pictures are on the wall. Everyone around us sees it, especially my daughter. Please advise.
— UNEQUAL IN OREGON
DEAR UNEQUAL: I’ll bet your daughter notices it!
The person who can put a stop to it is you. Consult the attorney who helped you with the custody arrangement and explain that what has been happening is not healthy for either of your children.
After you find out what your options are, including possibly changing the custody agreement, confront your mother about her blatant favoritism. And be glad that your daughter’s father is as responsible as he seems to be.
DEAR ABBY: I used to hang out with my friend “Brian” and his girlfriend, “Jenny.” We all lived together and would spend almost every weekend together.
Fourteen years ago, they broke up and went their separate ways. Jenny is single, and Brian has a steady girlfriend now. I still talk to them both, but not often.
Jenny messaged me recently on social media. We shared some photos and talked about the past and present. She said she has her own place and is doing well. I suggested that maybe I’d stop by one night after work. She said she’d like that and sent me her phone number to set up the date and time.
My question is: Should I visit her, and what if something sexual happens? (Trust me, I wouldn’t rule it out.) Should I ask Brian for his permission? Are Jenny and I heartless for wanting to meet up?
— PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE FRIEND
DEAR FRIEND: Because you are uneasy about crossing some kind of boundary if you visit Jenny and there is chemistry, contact Brian and say, “Hey, guess what. I reconnected with Jenny and she invited me over. Do you have any objection to that?”
I cannot see how, 14 years after their romance ended, he would have an objection.
Then visit Jenny, and que sera, sera.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.