The Challenge 40: Battle of the Eras Recap: Carageddon
I’m not sure what production is putting in those adorable drinking glasses with the tiger in a hoodie on the side, but something in the water has got the challengers in Ari Gold at couples’ therapy mode. Despite Emily’s efforts to cleanse the mansion of bad juju through a healing meditation class, the Challenge house will know no peace this week as confrontation after confrontation unfurls.
In the Era IV bedroom, Olivia calls out Josh for going back on his promise to nominate himself, instead cowering in the corner when he found out C.T. could be his competition. She says that she wants to play with people who are “heroes and who are dogs,” not scared little bitches. To be fair, whenever people rob a bank, they yell, “Don’t be a hero!” to all the feeble civilians, and C.T. is most definitely the one donning the creepy nun mask and the G17 in this situation (that’s a The Town reference for my Boston Brotha). Josh offers the spurious reasoning that right before the elimination, an unnamed source warned him not to self-nominate, which is about as believable as “I have a girlfriend but she goes to another school.”
On a day off, the cast gets to enjoy the comforts of home, imported to Vietnam: cheeseburgers, beer pong, and salacious grinding. The sparks between Devin and Michele continue to fly, and he confesses that he’s abandoning his “no showmance” policy for her. Rules were meant to be broken, and Devin has chosen the right time to do so; Michele is a regulation hottie, a certified catch, and Devin is wise to play beyond the Final and into the Future. Their kids could be way cuter than a million dollars! The next morning, C.T. tries to have some slumber party girl talk with Bananas, asking him which ladies he has his eye on. Bananas replies no one, he’s focused on his “job, career, and his squirrels,” but maybe that’s just a convenient excuse now that he’s aged out of the showmance pool. Will his Cassanova image ever recover from being called a “repo man” by Phaedra in the last season of The Traitors?
The teams head to the Daily Challenge, titled Fast Pass. Each Era will work together to carry giant, Y-shaped beams, which T.J. describes as “heavy and awkward,” a.k.a. my defining qualities in middle school. They’ll need to make two trips through the forest, maneuvering the beam around trees to reach a pile of sandbags, picking up four bags on each trip. Once they have both sets of bags, they’ll arrange them all on a see-saw contraption until it’s perfectly balanced. Okay, sure, but can we get a plane or a semi-truck soon?
As has become customary this season, Era IV immediately falls behind when C.T.’s strategy of holding the beam up like a sailboat isn’t possible due to “physics.” They devolve into a screaming match, with Tina, an anxious target, screeching that no one is listening to her ideas, like a younger sister who’s creativity isn’t being properly considered in a game of imaginary mermaids. Era III isn’t faring too well either, constantly stopping in the woods to readjust the beam, and Jordan reaches maximum frustration, careening into a meltdown. I honestly fear for his future daughter when he has to help her with her pre-algebra homework or teach her how to parallel park.
Eras II and IV seem to have figured out a viable system and are cruising through the course, but not if Laurel can help it. She repeatedly drops the beam or steps away from her post in an admitted attempt to sabotage target Emily, who she considers a major Final threat. As a result, Era IV takes the win, putting Olivia and Kyland in control of who will face off against Era I losers C.T. and Tina. Era I is pissed, and C.T. and Tina get heated — he argues there’s no way her proposed beam route would have worked, to which she shouts, “BOB AND WEAVE, BITCH!” which 1,000 percent should have been the name of Bob The Drag Queen’s podcast. However, one thing the losers can agree on is that they don’t care whether they go up against Emily and Nehemiah or Devin and Tori; they’d rather let Kyland and Olivia dunk their hands in blood.
In The Chamber, Nehemiah tries to argue that Tori and Devin’s hotly contested “Vacation Alliance” with Josh and Kaycee is working against the rest of the house, so Olivia and Kyland should take this opportunity to weaken their forces. Devin immediately jumps down his throat, exposing Nehemiah for trying to weasel his way into the V.A. earlier that morning, a proposition that he and his number one ally Tori ultimately rejected. Kyland and Olivia privately agree that Devin and Tori have a proven track record for keeping their word, and they’re more confident that those two will repay the favor in the future, furthering the burgeoning alliance between Eras III and IV.
Seemingly unprompted, sweet Michele sets off a dangerous chain reaction of terror when she decides to confront Laurel about her perceived iciness towards her. Why she wants to be besties with Miss Trunchbull, I can’t say. But she won’t leave well enough alone, and Laurel explains she doesn’t want to be forced into a friendship (fair), and that since Michele voted her into elimination on Ride or Dies, there’s basically no chance for their relationship to advance beyond politely passing the Hidden Valley Ranch at dinner.
In a private moment with Emily, Cara, who awkwardly inserted herself into the tail end of the Michele/Laurel conversation, reveals that the incident triggered something in her because she sees Michele as the vulnerable, young girl she was fifteen years ago when her toxic, frenemy dynamic with Laurel first began. She theorizes that Laurel is a deeply insecure person who is now preying on Michele as a target for her frustrations since she no longer holds the same power over Cara that she was accustomed to.
All of these simmering tensions explode in the charming Hobbit kitchen when Laurel off-handedly says to Cara that she has an attitude. Cara, determined to stand up for herself this season, tells Laurel that she is, in fact, the problem. Laurel, who is chronically allergic to seeing herself through someone else’s eyes, then points at Cara and says, “When you point the finger, there’s three pointing back at you,” which is just objectively hilarious. Once Laurel gets going on her disdain for Cara Maria, there’s no stopping her: she rants that she doesn’t respect Cara, thinks she has no self-awareness (ironic) and acts like a child (coming from the same woman who repeatedly screamed “fuck you, Darrell” like an inebriated Eagles fan after winning last week’s daily). Security gets in between them, which is rare for a sober, lunchtime fight, and Laurel tries to argue that she’s always had Cara’s back and it’s unbelievably offensive that Cara would ever believe otherwise. Laurel, you just sent Cara into elimination in week one, the exact situation you cited mere hours ago as the reason you don’t fuck with Michele!
As a manipulation tactic, Laurel invariably banks on her longstanding history with Cara to get away with murder, this time shouting, “When it comes down to it, I am with you,” as if that actually means something. Sure, we’ll never fully know what their relationship is like outside of the game, but Laurel made it clear on All Stars 4 when Cara expressed concern over her hooking up with her shady ex-girlfriend Nicole that they don’t talk outside of filming and that Cara “doesn’t fucking know her.” So which is it: you have a deep, unbreakable bond that is only relevant outside of The Challenge universe, or you’re coworkers with no personal connection?
After Laurel storms off, Ryan, Rachel, Emily, and Michele comfort Cara, which they acknowledge is a totally new scenario for her. Michele assures her, “You have so many friends in this house that love you,” a complete 180 from the typical Cara Maria Social Pariah Experience.
We switch the channel from Jerry Springer back to our regularly scheduled programming at the elimination. Nehemiah and Emily are formally sent into the ring, where they’ll face Tina and C.T. in a game called Getting Hammered (finally, a game I could actually win). Unlike most convoluted Challenge competitions, where the rules are longer than the terms and conditions of your Netflix account, this one is plain and simple. On one giant board, there are a hundred hammered-in nails. On a second giant board, there are a hundred holes. Whoever removes the nails from the first board and hammers them into the second board first wins.
Tina thinks she has an edge because she loves woodworking and “goes to Home Depot more than the grocery store.” And as it turns out, she’s right! Using the claw of the hammer, Tina goes to town on her nails, ripping out entire columns in seconds like James Holzhauer running Jeopardy! categories. The peanut gallery looks on in awe — Emily still has around 80 nails left to get through by the time Tina has cleared her entire board. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no coming back from that level of dissemination. When Emily hammers her first nail, Tina is already halfway done, making Tina the first person in Challenge history to ever beat Emily in an elimination. It’s gutting to see Emily leave so early, especially because this was probably the only scenario where she would ever agree to play again.
Moving on to the gentlemen, Nehemiah is having PTSD flashbacks of getting taken out by C.T. in his last Challenge appearance a decade ago. C.T., on the other hand, is calm and confident, crediting his “blue collar” background for his proficiency with nails. Both guys attempt the “Tina Tornado” method, and both fail, apparently lacking the feminine touch needed for proper execution. The matchup appears to be incredibly close for the entire game, but the men are locked in on their own boards — when C.T. sees Nehemiah run for his buzzer out of the corner of his eye, he’s shocked to have lost. I guess growing up on those mean streets wasn’t as applicable as he’d hoped.
C.T.’s unexpected departure opens up the board for the men, who let out a collective sigh of relief. No more nightmares of getting snapped in half like a Twix bar, at least for this season. When it comes to picking targets, Brad, Cory, and baby back bitch Josh volunteer, and Rachel is chosen as default since she’s the only Era I female available. Nehemiah selects Laurel, Jonna, and Jenny, and Tina picks Bananas.
After the surviving players exit, T.J. informs C.T. and Emily of the karma points wrinkle — C.T. gives five to Cara and Emily gives five to her boo-thang, Brad. We still aren’t sure what impact these points will have, but I seriously hope it’s not as egregious as the stars on All Stars 4. Watch, the Final is gonna be a ten-mile race and Tori will have accrued forty-five karma points and get a six-mile head start. It’s not Love Island; get this fan vote outta here!