My boyfriend is so good in bed that I feel insecure
DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend is so good in bed that it’s making me feel inadequate and insecure.
He concentrates on my pleasure so intensely that sometimes I have to ask him to stop. I want to please him in return, but I don’t know how.
I’m 26 and he’s 28. We’ve been together for six months, and I’m really falling for him.
Until I met him, I always thought I’d had a good sex life with previous boyfriends.
Now I know my past sexual experiences were decidedly average.
My partner is an incredible lover. He brings me to ecstasy every time, again and again.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
I should feel happy and lucky. Instead, I’ve started worrying that I’m not good enough in bed.
My sexual confidence has disappeared and I find myself not knowing how or where to touch him.
He’s not very vocal, which makes it hard to know what he enjoys. In fact, he seems to get more pleasure out of giving me pleasure, than receiving it.
I’m like a bag of nerves in bed. I feel like I’m not experienced enough for him.
Sometimes, I worry that he’s going to tire of me and find someone else. I feel anxious that I’m not pretty enough, or my body isn’t good enough.
I never used to have these insecurities about sex, and I don’t understand why I feel this way – when he is so lovely both in and out of bed.
How can I become more confident in the bedroom?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Just as some people get more pleasure from giving gifts than receiving them, so it is with sex.
Your boyfriend clearly loves having sex with you, as he can’t get enough.
And your relative lack of experience isn’t a problem – every new couple needs time to get to know each other’s bodies and preferences. It’s always a matter of trial and error.
He isn’t comparing you to his past lovers – he’s too busy bringing you to ecstasy.
If he isn’t vocal when you pleasure him, it doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying himself. Some people are just quiet in bed.
Ask him to show and tell you what he really likes. Good communication is essential for great sex, and talking in bed can be a major turn on.
My support pack, Raising Self-Esteem should help you to build your confidence up.