Harriette Cole: My daughter didn’t make the cut for the birthday party. Should I talk to the mom?
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter struggles with her social life.
She’s a bright, kind-hearted girl, but lately she’s been having a hard time feeling included in her friend group.
Recently, she came home extremely upset because one of her close friends had a birthday party and didn’t invite her. When my daughter asked her friend why she wasn’t invited, the friend explained that her mom had told her she could invite only five people to the party to keep the numbers even.
This isn’t the first time she has been left out when her friend group has gotten together outside of school hours. These incidents have really affected her confidence, and she’s been feeling down as a result.
As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to see your child struggle with friendships and feel left out. I want to support her and help her, but I’m not sure what the best approach is.
Should I encourage her to talk to her friend about how she feels? Should I reach out to the friend’s mother to understand more about the situation? What can I do to boost her self-esteem during this challenging time?
I want my daughter to have a happy childhood and not have to struggle so hard to fit in.
— Teenage Woes
DEAR TEENAGE WOES: Your daughter needs to pivot away from those friends and create a new friend group. Clearly, these friends do not care for her the way she deserves.
She could speak to her friend and tell her how she feels before walking away. You could speak to the mom, but my guess is that the girl used her mom as an excuse to exclude your daughter.
When my friend group turned on me at her age, my mother told me to walk away, lick my wounds and set a new course for myself. I did that. It hurt to lose my friends, but I realized they weren’t really friends anyway because none of them tried to win me back.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 29 years old, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few years now. We have a great relationship; however, his work-life balance has been an issue.
My boyfriend works long hours and is often preoccupied with his job, even during our personal time together.
While I understand that his career is important and allows him to provide for us financially, I’m worried about the future. I’ve always envisioned getting married and having children, and I want to start a family soon.
Given his current work habits, will he be able to be present in our children’s lives or be an active partner in raising them?
I’ve tried to bring this up with him a few times, but the conversations haven’t led to any meaningful changes.
I love him and appreciate all that he does for us, but I also need a partner who will be there for our family in more than just a financial capacity.
I’m struggling to decide whether I should continue to hope for change, or if it’s time to move on and find someone whose lifestyle aligns more closely with my own aspirations for family life.
— Will He Change?
DEAR WILL HE CHANGE?: Talk to your partner frankly. Ask him if he wants a family, and if he will be willing to adjust his schedule once you have children. Tell him you are worried that he will be an absent father, and that’s a deal-breaker for you.
Listen and observe. His words and actions will tell you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.