How do I tell my husband’s friend he fathered my daughter
DEAR DEIDRE: Despite a DNA test confirming my husband is not my daughter’s father I always believed she was.
I am 63 and my husband is 63. We have been together for almost 38 years.
In all that time I have only been unfaithful once – looking back I felt neglected.
My husband had started a new job and was spending a lot of time away from home.
I ended up having a very short affair with my husband’s friend. He was single at the time. Our affair only lasted a month and I called it off – admitting everything to my husband because I felt so awful.
We worked everything through together and were delighted to discover I was pregnant. I genuinely believed my baby was my husband’s.
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My daughter has recently done a DNA test as she has become interested in learning more about her family.
We all got a shock when the results showed she was the result of the affair.
I have tried to be as honest as possible with her but we are both really struggling to deal with this revelation.
We are on polite terms with my husband’s former mate but he is unaware. We have no idea what to do. Do we keep quiet?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: The results of the DNA test have understandably thrown you into a state of confusion.
But don’t lose sight of the happy life you’ve shared with your husband for nearly 38 years and the family you’ve built and love very much.
DNA tests can be imprecise so it is important not to jump to conclusions. Talk to Cellmark (www.cellmark.co.uk , 0800 036 253322) which provides confidential, conclusive DNA tests.
You could benefit from talking to someone impartial to help you cope with this process. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) can help you find a reputable counsellor.