My wife’s biggest fantasy is making me feel small
DEARE DEIDRE: My wife fantasises about having sex with a very well-endowed man. In her fantasy she wants me to sit and watch but not to join in.
She then said that my penis size frustrated her and has done for years and most of her problems with sex are due to me being too small to satisfy her.
I am 52 and my wife is 44. We have been together for 15 years.
I know I am quite small and in some respects I am relieved to hear her honesty.
In the past she has struggled to be open with me. She seems to think things but not tell me.
She also loves me to perform oral sex but rarely reciprocates. Over time this has eroded my confidence.
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In the past, I asked her if she wanted to have sex with bigger men but she always denied it.
Now she says she only wants to role play the cuckolding fantasy she has, which she says she regularly fantasises about, but in the past has kept to herself.
I think she has been holding back for years for fear of hurting me. She has now changed her story and says she wishes she had kept quiet about my size and that she has no issue.
She has told me to forget what she’s said, but it isn’t that easy. I want to connect with her about whatever it is she is feeling.
I want to do everything I can to make sure she is happy.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Many (in fact, probably most) of us have sexual fantasies.
For many people they pose no relationship issues as they remain ideas in our head which we have no drive to act out in real life.
Good sex is about communication but being able to convey what we want sexually is difficult for many people.
It sounds like she is worried about hurting your feelings but you’ll only move through this if you can keep talking about your sexual relationship.
Ask your wife what she enjoys, what she’d like you to do and in return explain you would love to receive oral sex also – this has to be a two-way conversation.
You are a considerate lover but sexual satisfaction doesn’t come from the penis alone. A man can be a good lover no matter his size. Be assured that most women reach orgasm when the clitoris is stimulated in the right way.
My support pack Sexual Fantasies And You should help you.