I caught my wife with her ex-husband in a layby
DEAR DEIDRE: I caught my wife and her ex-husband having sex in her car in a layby, not far from home.
Now I feel like such a fool.
I thought she had broken down and stopped to help. So you can imagine the shock when I saw her sitting astride her ex in the passenger seat.
She is 42 and I’m 45. We have a 12-year-old son together and she has a daughter, 16, from her first marriage, who lives with her father.
My wife has always had an amicable relationship with her ex, who is 47.
When her daughter stopped visiting as often as usual, I assumed it was because she wanted to spend time with her friends, rather than her mother and half-brother.
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A few weeks ago, my wife said she was going to see her daughter, to lend her a suitcase for her summer holiday.
That same night, I had to go round to my mother’s, because she thought she had a gas leak. After the engineer had sorted it, I headed home. On the way, I passed my wife’s car.
It was only after I’d parked up and walked over to the window that I noticed they were kissing – and worse!
My wife screamed when she saw me. I jumped back in my car and drove away, feeling sick about what I’d witnessed.
Twenty minutes later, my wife came in.She’d been crying.
She told me she hadn’t meant it to happen – it was one of those things.
I asked her how long she’d been seeing her ex and she said, “Three months.”
Their daughter clearly knew and had stopped visiting us, hoping her mum and dad would get back together.
My son heard us arguing. He has said he hates his mum for splitting the family up.
He’s not talking to her at the moment. It’s all a mess.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If she’s still seeing her ex, then it’s time for an ultimatum.
She can’t sever all ties with him because of your stepdaughter, but she must decide who she wants to be with.
Sadly, one child will be hurt either way.
If you both want to save your marriage, you may need outside help.
Suggest couples counselling. Tavistock Relationships provides quality counselling at a reasonable cost (tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1975). They also offer an online therapy Service.
My support pack, Worried About Your Parents, will help your son.