I'm a public-speaking expert. Here's how to give a memorable toast at your company and family holiday parties.

• I'm a public-speaking expert, and I've been helping people give toasts for decades.
• The first rule is that you need to follow a structure, including an introduction and an anecdote.
• Most importantly, you need to lead with passion and emotion to move your audience.

Giving a toast is one of the best ways to warm up the holidays and every gathering you're a part of. The combination of alcohol, family, and poignant words makes everyone feel a bit cozier.

But how do you make a successful toast? How do you make a toast that touches people — and doesn't cause massive, painful embarrassment?

I'm a public-speaking expert, and I've been helping people get over their stage fright and craft the perfect toast for over 35 years. Here are my best tips.

I'm a big fan of applying the 80-20 rule when it comes to toasts

The 80-20 rule is an easy way to break down a speech. The 20% of a successful toast is all in the technique and structure, which can be encapsulated in five steps.

Step one is simple: Tell everyone who you are, especially if there's anyone in the audience who might not know you; remember, there may be new faces at the holiday table. For example, if I want to give a toast thanking my grandmother for cooking a wonderful holiday meal, I could start by saying, "For those of you who might not know, I'm Richard."

Next, you have to tell the audience what the theme or message of the toast will be at the start. For example, I might say, "I wanted to say a few words about family and the holidays." If I plan to go give a toast about a specific person, such as my grandma, I can say something like: "I wanted to personally acknowledge Grandma for this holiday dinner."

After you do that, I recommend weaving in a funny and poignant story or anecdote. I suggest transitioning to that by saying, "And I think we all remember when Grandma burned the turkey several years ago."

After your anecdote, you should end your toast with a call to action. The simplest way is to say, "I want everyone to raise their glasses and join me in toasting Grandma."

For the fifth and final step, all you have to do is thank everyone. I would say, "Thank you all so much for being here."

There are many variations on the above, of course, but perhaps this structure will — at the very least — help you relax.

What about the remaining 80%?

The other 80% is the part that will really touch the audience.

If you're talking about something that makes you happy, go there; tap into and share that happiness. If you're talking about something that deeply touched you, go there. Tap into and share what you are passionate about. If you're talking about how much you appreciate and respect a colleague, family member, or friend — you guessed it — go there. Feel the feelings and don't be afraid to show them. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to cry if the tears are coming up. Allow yourself to pause — even for a long time — if emotions wash over you and make it hard to talk.

This is the essence of a great toast and, more importantly, the core of any family, company, or friend gathering.

And when you allow those emotions to flow freely, you will touch and move everyone in the audience, regardless of how you do the other 20%.

Be brave and offer to make a toast this holiday season

What we love about the holidays is that it's the one time of the year when people — helped along by some rum punch, perhaps — take off their daily facades and allow themselves to be themselves.

So take advantage of the moment, and volunteer to give a toast this holiday season.