Kristi Noem Wasn’t the Only Noem Playing Dress-Up for the Last 14 Months...
Apologies, y’all. It appears I spoke too soon when I labeled Corey Lewandowski “ICE Ken” in September, a title I thought he deserved for his completely-100%-professional relationship with now-fired Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem—a position he used to control the DHS, watch his “special friend” horsegirl around Argentina on the taxpayer’s dime, and, again, enjoy some totally normal work-colleague relations. But…he does not seem to have used the position to go raiding around in Noem’s closet.
The terminally online will know what I’m getting at: on Tuesday, the Daily Mail delivered an April Fools’-shaped exclusive on Noem’s husband, Bryon Noem, giving the platform the meme ammo of the century. (The headline says it all: “Secret double life of Kristi Noem’s crossdressing husband Bryon: The pouting ‘busty bimbo’ photos and trove of explicit messages.”)
bryon noem walking in on kristi and corey lewandowski pic.twitter.com/icyhoW0CXa
— Adam London (@_adamlondon) March 31, 2026
According to the outlet, Bryon has been in the online “bimbification” community for years, where he chats with adult performers under an alter ego, and often dresses up in fake boobs and skintight leggings. The outlet writes that in the 14 months Noem was DHS Secretary, the women also “repeatedly” asked Bryon for money, and he’d send them at least $25,000.
happy trans day of visibility
— sara!! (@sarasocial.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 5:48 PM
Speaking to the New York Post, Noem’s representatives said she was “devastated” by the report, that the family was blindsided by the allegations, and that they ask for “privacy and prayers” at this time. The couple met in high school in South Dakota and were married in 1992; they have three adult children.
But this request for “mercy” is coming from the woman who called two Americans who were shot and killed “domestic terrorists,” made up a story about deporting a cannibal, and oversaw one of the most brutal, inhumane, and deadly immigration projects in U.S. history—which may well be the reason that this story came out in the first place.