Michelle Obama says she never understood something her mom always said — until she had kids of her own

• Michelle Obama says her mother often talked about death to her when she was growing up.
• She added that her mom aimed to "hand us our lives early" so she and her brother could manage even without her.
• The former first lady says her mother's honesty shaped her approach to raising her own children.

Michelle Obama says her mother didn't shy away from talking about death while she was growing up.

Speaking on Thursday's episode of her "IMO" podcast, featuring guest Anderson Cooper, Obama said it was her mother's way of preparing her and her brother for the inevitable.

Her comments came after Cooper shared that his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, also spoke openly about her mortality when he was young.

"I think she wanted me to know throughout my life, she wanted to hand us our lives early. Like you're responsible. You did this for yourself," Obama said. "My mom would always say, and she would say this publicly, 'I didn't have anything to do with raising Michelle and Craig. They, you know, they always knew this.'"

Obama added that she believed her mother said it to reassure herself that her children would be able to manage on their own, even when she was no longer around.

"And I didn't understand that until I had kids. And I realized that the scariest thing is not just losing them or something happening to them. It's something happening to me, and my kids are going to go through life not feeling like they have what they need to get through."

The former first lady, who has two daughters with her husband, Barack Obama, said her mother always reassured her that she was sensible and already making sound decisions even as a child.

"I think she was trying to tell me what you came to realize, that if you know your parents' values and their core, you've seen them, you've experienced them. If there's a loss, you're going to be OK," Obama said.

This isn't the first time that Obama has spoken about the lessons she learned from her mother, who died in May 2024.

In June, she said her mother was always upfront with her kids about her own shortcomings.

"What I remember so distinctly is Mom saying on more than one occasion, 'Hey, look, this is my first time being a parent, and I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.' And that always resonated with me," Obama said.

In November, Obama said one of her final conversations with her mother pushed her to be more intentional about how she spends her time now that she's in her 60s.

"If I'm lucky, I live to 90 and that's 30 good summers," Obama said.