Why an Inhaler Sparked a Personal Style Debate on ‘Life of Villains’

I step onto the wall breathing heavily. “Nerves,” I tell myself.

I’m at the final rest: A decent heel hook with a two-finger pocket for my left hand and an awkwardly facing pinch for my right. I’m digging deep. Going through my usual rest routine. Focusing on my breath, restoring my heart rate. But no matter how deeply I breathe, my heart rate doesn’t seem to be going down.

I look up. Between me and the chains is just one boulder. One boulder between me and flashing 5.14d on Life of Villains. Having flashed up to 14c (with Pure Imagination and Livin’ Astro), trying for one grade harder has been a dream I’ve had for a long time—a gold standard in my eyes for climbing. I’ve been told by a friend who’s given me beta on the climb that the boulder above me clocks in around V8. I’ve done V8s before—a lot of them. All I need is to relax and recover.

But I still can’t slow my breathing. I can’t take a full breath. Now or never. I move. I’m four moves from the finish. Then three. Two moves. My right hand matches the penultimate crimp. I can see the jug above me. But my body doesn’t have any gas left. I don’t have it in me. I fall.

Instantly, I’m swinging through the air. I’m coughing. Wheezing.

Last fall, I was diagnosed with cold-induced asthma, which turned into “whenever I breathe hard” asthma. I had wanted to show myself that I was stronger than this condition. That I could overcome it when I needed to. In other words, I was in denial.

Before getting on the wall, I made the conscious choice not to take my inhaler. I was supposed to take it on an “as needed” basis and, after all, I didn’t need it yet.

To be honest, I had decided that an inhaler was aid. If I was successful this time, wouldn’t it be because of the inhaler? Wouldn’t I then need to have it every time I stepped onto something hard?

In retrospect, I know how foolish this sounds. Writing this now, I would easily answer the  question of whether an inhaler—or other medical prescription—differently. I would take my inhaler. But in that moment, to put it simply, I believed that not taking it gave me more style points. I thought it would be cooler to not have to put an asterisk next to my ascent: Flashed 14d* (with an inhaler).

My own personal ethical quandary is certainly not meant to shame anyone else who currently uses medications or needs assistance for ailments they have no control over. I’m sharing this story to spark a deeper conversation in the climbing community. There’s “sending”—doing a climb from start to finish without falling. That’s our shared ethos for the sport. But within the boundaries of that simple definition lie countless individual choices. Our personal differences ultimately add up to our “style,” comprising our values and methods.

How would we set a limit on those values? Traversing seven feet to the right of a quickdraw to rest. What about three, four, or five feet? Lightly touching a bouldering pad on a dyno. Sweat reduction patches. Drugs to calm you down. Drugs to ramp you up. Not so long ago, The Big Island (one of the first V17s in the world) was established and repeated with a book underneath their knee pad. What’s the difference between knee pads and climbing shoes? Why don’t we all climb barefoot?

Our values determine the methods that we use, and ultimately our climbing style. If my values tell me to not have any interference between the rock and my outside environment, then dabbing is not an option. If I care more about the movement, and not as much about working through the minutiae of a climb, then dabbing is fine.

The challenge comes down to when these values contradict each other. My values of “health” and climbing “clean” were at odds, and I prioritized what I viewed as “clean” over “health.” I lost sight of which value, which style, was more important.

What happens when a tree that wasn’t that large for the first ascensionist grows into the top-out 20 years later? Personally, I’d rather go with the value of sustainability than do the climb the way it was originally done. I’d rather touch the tree than cut it down.

For me, safety is always an intention, and so is climbing a boulder or route the way the first ascensionist did it. If the first ascensionist didn’t stick clip, I’ll still stick clip anyway. If they didn’t use a hold five feet to the right, I’ll attempt to do the climb the same way, even if others have started branching out. But that’s just me, and my values.

The caveat here is, if you’re setting records like flashing the hardest climb in the world, it’s important to be honest about what style you used. There are enough barriers to entry in the sport. The more we can accept differences, while still all agreeing on the fundamentals, the better it will be for making the sport less elitist.

We’re all built differently, and if asthma has taught me anything, it’s that the way to progress our sport is not just accepting our personal differences, but building off of them. What makes climbing cool is all of us pushing ourselves to our own limits. Judging others for these differences doesn’t help us in our own quests for mastery of movement, or personal expression. There are always exceptions to any rules of course. But if you don’t examine your style and your values, then you could be missing out on an opportunity to push your limits the next time they present themselves.

Do you think about your values before starting a climb? Do you think about the style you would like to have that would bring you joy? If not, then this is a call out for you: To examine what’s important to you in the sport.

About the photographer Jon Vickers: A transplant from Pennsylvania, Jonathan Vickers has been shooting, guiding, and coaching climbing in Salt Lake for over a decade. With a Master’s degree in visual journalism from West Virginia University, Jon strives for an authentic look in both his commercial and documentary work. With a focus on climbing, product, and industrial photography, Jon strives to inspire others with images of hard work. 

The post Why an Inhaler Sparked a Personal Style Debate on ‘Life of Villains’ appeared first on Climbing.