I was scared to come out to my dad and brought my sister with me for support. His reaction surprised me.

• When I decided to come out to my dad, I was nervous about his reaction.
• He's a lifelong Catholic, and I wasn't sure he'd be supportive.
• I needn't have worried; he told me he only cared about my happiness.

In the beginning, I'd hoped I wouldn't have to come out to my father, or the rest of my family. The first label I landed on before lesbian was bisexual, and I clung to the possibility that I'd end up with a man, and this part of me could be rendered irrelevant (yes, I know that's not actually how bisexuality works — but my younger self, just barely beginning to work through a lifetime of internalized homophobia, didn't).

Then I fell in love with a woman. I wanted to weave her into just about every aspect of my life, including my family life. It was 2021, and I'd been back in Michigan for over a year after spending that same amount of time living in Denver. That was where I'd come out to myself, away from the small Christian town I grew up in.

My parents raised my siblings and me Catholic, like they had been. When same-sex marriage was legalized, the priest of our church reassured the congregation, "Regardless of the law, we will not be conducting same-sex marriages here," and the congregation, including my dad, gave him a standing ovation.

I was nervous when I came out to my dad

Six years later, I sat in my dad's backyard feeling more nervous than I'd been since middle school cheerleading tryouts. I asked my sister to be there just in case I needed backup. I worried he would say something hurtful or disproving, and our relationship would be irrevocably changed for the worse (not an uncommon reality for queer people — in a 2021 survey, 34% of Americans asked responded they would be either "somewhat unsupportive," "not supportive at all," or "not sure" what they'd do if their child, sibling, or close family member came out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual; that figure jumps to 43% for trans or nonbinary people).

When I finally said it, he paused and nodded. "And you think this is, like, a forever thing?" I steadied myself for the worst.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, it wasn't that long ago that you had a boyfriend?"

"Oh, yeah… I would say I'm bisexual..." I responded.

"Okay." He nodded again. "And you thought your sister had to be here?"

I shrugged, "Just in case…"

Later, he asked if I'd been worried he would have been mad. "I mean, I don't know," I said. "You've been Catholic your whole life…"

He shook his head. "I think what most parents want, myself included, is for their kids to be happy."

He has been nothing but supportive

The next month, my hometown had its first Pride festival. I read a poem onstage and had a vendor booth where I wrote custom, typewritten poems. My sister and father both came for my performance and sat in my booth, and my sister brought a pack of Pride pins. When she asked my dad if he wanted one, he said sure, fastening a "Love Is Love" pin to his T-shirt.

In 2023, for the first time, we attended a non-Catholic service for Christmas Eve; my father suggested the church because of the Pride flag they hung outside. Last summer, when he visited my now-wife and me in Chicago, he set out on Sunday morning to walk to our nearest Catholic church. When he couldn't find it, he went to another Christian church. Their program featured a Progress flag with a statement about how they welcome all members of the LGBTQIA2S+ community. When he returned to our apartment, he handed us the program.

"Look at that," he said. "I think it was some kind of fate that I wound up there." Later that summer, he, along with my wife's parents, paid for our wedding. Recently, during our weekly FaceTime coffee date, my dad said, "Oh, there was something I wanted to tell you. Did you know that Eleanor Rosevelt was bisexual, or maybe lesbian?" He's been reading a book about all the presidents.

"No, actually, I don't think I did know that," I said.

My father's strongest ideology, above any religious or political kind, is his love for his children. People are complicated, but he has made this straightforward and obvious. It's meant the world to me to know that his support is a sure thing.