Dear Abby: I told my boyfriend what his pal did, and now I’m under constant surveillance
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy for five years.
Two years ago, one of his friends came on to me through a text. I told him I’m not the kind of woman who cheats. He respected that and didn’t text me again.
I told my boyfriend the very next day, and he no longer trusts me!
Ever since then, he questions what I’m doing and where I am and accuses me of lying every time. He thinks I have slept with every one of his friends. He tracks me. He put cameras up and accuses me of deleting everything.
I have never cheated on him or even thought about it.
All of his accusations are pushing me away. He wants me to take a lie detector test to prove I’m innocent. I don’t feel I should have to take one when I’m doing nothing wrong.
I literally sit in my house and go nowhere but the grocery store. I don’t talk to a single person. I chose to do all that so he would stop accusing me, but he always finds something wrong.
Should I take this test to prove he’s been wrong about me this whole time? Part of me worries that even if I take this test, he will find something else and it’s never gonna stop.
— PRISONER IN OHIO
DEAR PRISONER: Red flag alert! Your boyfriend’s insecurity is off the charts.
His controlling behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own insecurities. What he is doing to you is sick and abusive. You will never be able to assuage this man’s suspicions.
For your safety, I urge you to end this romance while you still have enough self-esteem to manage it. If you are afraid for your safety as you do that, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and ask for guidance.
DEAR ABBY: Some of my friends discuss their plans in front of me without inviting me along. Am I right to feel excluded?
I’m a woman in my late 20s, and I feel stung when friends and roommates make plans to hang out without me while I’m standing there. One close friend often reminisces to me about girls’ nights and outings with our mutual friends. It hurts, and it has made me feel like I’m not part of the group.
When I told them how this made me feel, they assured me we were indeed friends and said I was being “too sensitive.” I value these friends. Because they are my roommates, I can’t avoid them. For the most part, they’re kind and conscientious.
Should I bring up my hurt feelings again or drop the issue and withdraw?
— ODD GIRL OUT
DEAR GIRL: You may be “too sensitive,” but your roommates clearly aren’t sensitive enough. It is rude to do what they have been doing.
If I thought mentioning your hurt feelings would help the situation, I’d advise you to do that, as well. A better course of action would be to drop the issue and concentrate on making new friends.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.