Mind over matter? At this intense mental training retreat, pain leads to power — and peace

MANILA, Philippines — “The only limits you have are the limits you believe.”

This quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer, self-help author and speaker, summarizes one of the biggest lessons I took home from a grueling yet eye-opening experience at Kami No Ken — that we have the innate power to heal ourselves.

Kami No Ken is a mental training retreat and program founded in Bali by coach Nasser Qazi that, at first glance, seemed more like an endurance test than a place of self-discovery. From the moment I signed up, I had doubts and fears — the description alone was enough to cause a panic attack!

“You will be pushed to your limits and tested beyond anything you have so far experienced. You will face exhaustion, powerful emotions, and finally… peaceful serenity.”

Would I make it out alive? Is this truly a mental training retreat or just a glorified gimmick? My internal resistance was already creeping in. But after four hard days at the retreat, the short answer was: Kaya ko pala (I can do it). I realized I was capable of more than I ever gave myself credit for.

Kami No Ken isn’t a magic solution, nor is it an instant fix for life’s struggles. But what it does is provide an avenue to tap into the power already within you — something that sounds cliché, I know, but is hard to completely dismiss once you’ve experienced it yourself. Here, pain has a purpose, discomfort is the pathway, and hardships are inevitable — but suffering doesn’t have to be.

How it came to be

At the forefront of Kami No Ken’s local outpost are actor-athlete Derek Ramsay and his wife, mental health advocate Ellen Adarna-Ramsay.

Their involvement helped bring the program to the Philippines after Ellen experienced the life-changing impact of the retreat during its Bali edition. Having been open about her struggles with depression, Ellen saw the potential of Kami No Ken in transforming lives and worked with her husband and coach Nasser to introduce it to a wider audience.

At the heart of it all is coach Nasser himself, born into a high-ranking family in Afghanistan. But Nasser’s early life was disrupted by war, forcing his family to flee to Germany with nothing. The once-privileged child grew up in a rough immigrant neighborhood, exposed to crime, racism, and violence. By 18, he was imprisoned.

Eventually, Nasser earned a degree in economics. But just as he regained control, he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), with doctors giving a bleak prognosis.

Nasser sought alternative healing, traveling to China to study Qi Gong under Master Luke Chan. Through six to eight hours of daily practice, his body began to heal.

But Nasser faced more personal losses — his beloved father’s passing, his brother’s mental illness, and his own spiral into anxiety, alcoholism, and depression.

He immersed himself in Zen philosophy and dry swimming techniques in Thailand, training under a Zen master who became his closest mentor, leading him to a journey of suffering, surrender, and self-discovery.

This gave birth to Kami No Ken — an intensive program that uses ancient Eastern wisdom with modern mental training. The name itself translates to “The Fist of God,” symbolizing the inner strength that lies within each of us.

Today, Nasser leads the program alongside Derek and Ellen, guiding students through physically and mentally demanding experiences that push them past their perceived limits.

The personal (and painful) process

Kami No Ken held its first four-day, three-night retreat for the year at The Farm at San Benito, and it definitely was not a peaceful “retreat.” The package included accommodations and meals (all filling, all vegetarian), but with the packed itinerary, there wasn’t much time to just sit back and relax.

Day one started slow — a brief introduction to the philosophy of the retreat, setting expectations, and getting to know the people you’d be spending the next few days with; almost like the calm before the storm.

But on day two, the real work began. At 5:30 am sharp, we had to be at the pavilion. Waking up before 5 am was already a struggle, but the real motivation? The threat of punishment for being late.

The morning started slow, with gratitude meditation, breathwork, and repetitive squats (this was a learning curve). Then we jumped straight into intense workouts (think Derek Ramsay’s 10-minute workout and other drills my body had never done before) — and as someone who doesn’t work out regularly, there were many moments when I thought, I can’t do this. I need to stop. But the pressure of the group and the structure of the retreat meant there was no choice but to push through.

It wasn’t just physical challenges — the mental ones were just as confronting. We had to push past self-imposed limits, like testing how far we could jump. I thought I had a max distance, but I was wrong — I could actually go farther. We also faced “intuition tests.”

Then came one of the most memorable and shocking experiences: my first-ever ice bath. I had seen people do it, read about its benefits, but actually sitting in 2-3°C water filled with ice cubes was a different story.

The facilitators guided us through it (Derek helped me personally), and I just focused on my breathing, trying not to panic. At first, all I could feel was shock — a numbing, jarring cold that pricked at all my nerves. But as the seconds passed, I realized something: I can get through this! My mind had only one goal: breathe through it, center myself, and find a semblance of calm in initial discomfort.

I lasted three minutes — I even dunked my head in. When I got out, my body shivered uncontrollably… and then something unexpected happened — I cried.

I wasn’t sure why at first. It was as if my body just decided, “Okay, we’re letting this go now.” With the guidance of Derek and Coach, I understood that this was a cathartic release — an emotional response to pent-up stress, triggered by a physical shock. They said my body felt safe enough to release pent-up emotions I didn’t even realize I was holding onto, and it made so much sense.

We go through the daily motions of repressing stress, sadness, and burdens because we have no choice but to keep going. But all those emotions stay somewhere — until one day, they show up in the form of mental and physical symptoms. I allowed myself to move through the emotions — something we forget to do.

And if I thought the ice bath was a challenge, it was nothing compared to the over two-kilometer bunny hop with ankles tied. At first, I was in complete denial — there’s no way I can actually do this! In this heat? No breaks? No water? It felt like a recipe for hell. I can’t even run properly — what more just jump? We weren’t given a distance or a finish line, and the estate had uphill and downhill roads.

Alas, we had no choice. The first few hops weren’t so bad, but as the distance stretched out ahead of me, my body started aching, I fell a couple of times, and my breath quickened. The doubts started creeping in. “This is too much.” “You can’t do it.” “Just cheat. No one will know.”

But then another voice in my head countered: Just get to that next post. Then you can take a break. So I did. Then another 10 jumps. Then another. And then I realized — on my ninth jump, I had more to give. I wasn’t as drained as I thought I would be. My body had more energy. My mind had more willpower. That was the moment it clicked: the only limits I have are the ones I impose on myself.

It was tempting to look around and compare — some people were far ahead, some were struggling behind. But just like in life, I had to go at my own pace, in my own way. What mattered wasn’t getting there first — it was getting there at all.

There were moments when I shouted and screamed. At one point, I even cried and dry-heaved from exhaustion. My body was telling me to give up, even though I was so close to the end.

According to Coach, this is the subconscious at work — the ego, the part of you that clings to what’s safe and familiar, that wants to keep you in your comfort zone. But I also realized: that there is a power beyond that. An internal power in deciding to keep going, even when everything inside you is screaming to stop.

When I finally crossed the finish line, I broke down in tears! It wasn’t just exhaustion. It was a mix of relief, frustration, and pride. “I can’t believe I just did that.” It was a cry of self-realization: Wow. I didn’t know I had this in me.

This retreat made me realize something powerful: I can do hard things! And hard things can lead to good things. The pain, the perseverance, the struggle — they all build the foundation for something greater. The things we fear the most are often the things we need to overcome to grow.

Healing, in all ways

Aside from the physical and mental challenges, The Farm at San Benito itself was a healing space. Healing isn’t just a solo venture — your environment, your community, and your habits play a big part. The retreat included nutritious meals, a peaceful, nature-filled space, and a sense of camaraderie among the other participants.

We found ways to bond, through shared struggles, laughter, motivational cheers, deep conversations, and even trauma bonding. And beyond the workouts, there were also healing activities available: massage treatments, yoga, sound therapy, and nature walks.

This retreat is for anyone willing and has the budget to spare, because let’s be real, it’s not cheap! The total cost can go above P80,000, which covers accommodations, lectures, meals, training, and a one-on-one session. Many participants saved for it, and no one had regrets afterward; after all, mental health is wealth.

Kami No Ken holds retreats every few months, but its main outpost is in Bali for 10-12 days.

As for who would benefit the most? Honestly, anyone. Fitness enthusiasts looking for a challenge, people struggling with discipline who need structure and accountability, and those looking for a reset, especially if they feel stuck, lost, or restless.

If you’ve been feeling a pull for change but can’t pinpoint exactly what’s holding you back, this could be a powerful starting point. It’s not a magic cure, but it’s a baptism-of-fire experience to push past the victim mentality.

That said, you don’t need to be fit to join! (I am living proof). In our batch, there were people of all ages with zero fitness experience, some with physical conditions, and no prior therapy background. But we all managed to get through — not because it was easy, but because we were mentally guided through it.

The retreat is designed to be intense, but not impossible. It’s less about physical strength and more about mental fortitude. It forces you to confront the moments when you want to give up and pushes you to find the resilience to keep going.

Would I recommend it? Yes, but only if you’re ready. You don’t have to be 100% ready (because no one ever really is), but there has to be some level of willingness. If you’re in a place where you know you need a push — mentally, emotionally, physically — but don’t know where to start, this could be that first step.

What I appreciated most was that this retreat doesn’t sell itself as some life-changing, overnight transformation. It doesn’t promise to “heal you instantly” or guarantee dramatic results.

Instead, it’s straightforward: they give you the tools to help yourself, the space to uncover what’s holding you back, and the hands-on guidance to navigate through it. But at the end of the day, the choice to change is yours.

Because no matter how many self-help books you read, workshops you attend, or healing retreats you sign up for, the real work comes down to what you choose to do afterward.

One’s commitment to self — the habits you build, the promises you keep to yourself, and the relationships you cultivate — is the main driver to change. And the most important thing? Self-discipline should come from a place of self-compassion, and not self-hatred.

I’m still in the process of applying these lessons. It’s not like I walked away from the retreat as a completely different person, but I now have a deeper awareness and appreciation for myself — my mind, soul, and body.

I’ve realized that I can push through difficult things, that my limits are often self-imposed, and that real change isn’t about one big moment — it’s about the small choices you make every day. Mindset is everything, and perspective is power.

And if nothing else, I now know that if I could survive more than two kilometers of bunny hops with my ankles tied, I can survive just about anything. – Rappler.com