I Hate the Family Ring My Fiancé Proposed With
Ask the Group Chat is Jezebel’s new weekly advice column where at least three Jez staffers will offer their chaotic (and possibly not helpful) guidance. Got a question? Email groupchat@jezebel.com or you can fill out this form.
I hate the ring my boyfriend of 5 years proposed with. It’s incredibly ugly. He used the ring of a recently deceased relative who meant a lot to him and he says it would have meant a lot to her for me to have it. However, I know for a fact she hated me and frankly, the feeling was mutual. I know these are awful things to say but, after five years, the last thing I wanted was a ring with a gold band from someone who was frankly a huge bitch to me. But I’m scared there’s no way for me to voice any of this. Sigh.
My kneejerk response is: if you can’t voice any of this to your soon-to-be betrothed, you have bigger problems than a ring, babe. However, maybe the ring is an easy in-road to a hard conversation about that relative. I think there’s a way for you to say: “You know what? I’m not totally comfortable with this being my engagement ring because I didn’t get the sense they actually liked me that much. I’m happy to keep it and ensure it endures in the family, but I think my engagement ring should be the start of a new tradition.” If he argues with that…that’s on him.