Mistakes I see successful parents making with their kids as a counselor who works with CEOs

• Tim Jordan, M.D., a counselor who supports young girls, also provides CEOs with parenting support.
• He said successful parents make the mistake of overscheduling their kids in extracurriculars.
• They also overindulge their child's requests for new things, feeling that they can't say no.

This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Tim Jordan, M.D., 70, a counselor for teenage girls from St. Louis. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

I've been a counselor for around 30 years. For the past 15 or so years, my practice has been exclusively for middle school, high school, and college-aged girls.

I've been married to my wife for 43 years. We both started out in medical careers but then developed our own business focusing on parenting classes, talks, and weekend retreats.

For many years, we've worked with YPO, a membership community for chief executives, creating family events to support members with parenting and giving talks in their various chapters around the world.

I've noticed executives are very hungry for information about parenting. Although their business lives are set, and they're pretty successful, they're still open to learning more about raising their kids.

Across my experience meeting chief executives and helping families through my counseling practice, I've spotted some key mistakes successful parents make when raising their kids.

1. Overscheduling kids in extracurricular activities

Successful parents want their kids to be successful. They want them to be at the top of their class or on the best soccer team.

Everything is about their children's future, as opposed to what their kids like to do.

I once saw a high schooler in my counseling practice who was so burned out. She was on the cheer team, so had to go to practices and games, but she also did competitive dance, which was what she really loved. She wanted to quit cheerleading but said her parents wouldn't let her because they were concerned about how dropping out would impact her college prospects.

Parents are coming from a place of fear that their kids will get left behind. They want their kid to have a leg up. It's a rampant fear in our culture.

I think it's important for kids to pick their activities but also have some free time.

I recently spoke to another family with a daughter in sixth grade. She does volleyball and gymnastics, among other things. I told her dad there was something missing in her list of activities: play and downtime. Time to do things she enjoys, like reading or doing artwork — not because it's going to be in her portfolio, but because she likes to draw.

Unsupervised play is a great way for kids to learn, but they have little time for it these days.

2. Trying to be the driving force behind your child's motivation

When parents push their kids, they'll ask me, "How do I motivate my daughter?"

I tell them they're asking the wrong question. It's not your job to motivate your kids. A better question would be, "How do I support my child's intrinsic motivation?"

A good way to support a child's motivation is to ask them questions to make them think about why they want A's at school or why they like soccer.

Once, my wife and I were speaking to a girl who was a gymnast. We asked what she liked about gymnastics. She started talking, but her dad interjected and told her to show us her trophies.

We could tell her awards weren't what drove her, so we repeated the question. She said her favorite thing was the floor routine. She liked it when all eyes were on her, and she entertained people. That was her intrinsic motivation for loving gymnastics. We derive more satisfaction from things if we're doing them for our reasons instead of to please others.

Listen to why your kid enjoys something and use that understanding to encourage them. You're not always going to be there to push and micromanage your kids. They need to learn to push themselves by focusing on why they want to do things and how it's meaningful to them.

3. Overindulging your child's requests for new things

I've found that the executives I work with are very worried about whether their kids will be spoiled or if they'll have ambition. Many of these parents worked hard but are conscious that their kids don't have to do that because they're born into affluence.

Some have even said they're worried flying first class could spoil their child.

My wife and I tell them it's amazing their child can receive education through wonderful trips. That won't spoil them, but what will is if you immediately comply every time your child asks for something new.

Affluent parents sometimes think they should grant requests because they can afford it, but I encourage the attitude that the money parents have created is theirs, not their children's. Kids aren't entitled to one cent of it unless the parents gift it to them.

Get your kids to earn things and put some sweat equity into it. It will allow them to develop a work ethic.

Once when we were out with my son, he wanted a new Lego pirate ship. We told him we weren't willing to buy it and he could use his allowance money. However, it was around $75, which shocked him. We encouraged him to rake some leaves and do jobs in the neighborhood if he really wanted it.

4. Not sharing your stories

Kids look up to their moms and dads and see the finished product. They see a successful business or happy marriage, but they haven't seen the parent as an awkward 12-year-old struggling with self-doubt or when a parent didn't make the basketball team.

Every entrepreneur I've talked to has had at least one business failure, if not many. Successful parents can show their children that things aren't always smooth by sharing stories of failure.

I think parents don't tend to think about sharing their stories with their children. But when a child makes a mistake and is really bummed out, sharing a relatable story shows you know how they feel. Kids love hearing stories and it connects them on a deeper level with their parents. It makes them feel safe to share things in return.

Do you have a story to share about parenting as a chief executive? Contact this reporter at ccheong@businessinsider.com