I waited until 40 to have kids. Now I realize I may never meet my grandchildren.

• I had my son when I was almost 40 and more emotionally mature.
• I realize now that if he waits as long as I did to have kids, I might never meet them.
• The idea of possibly never becoming a grandmother feels bittersweet.

When I had my son at almost 40, I knew there would be trade-offs.

Having a child later in life meant I was more settled, more emotionally mature, and ready to be the parent I wanted to be.

As societal norms shift, more people are delaying having children to focus on careers, education, and personal goals. The average age of mothers has steadily risen over the past few decades. I understand this trend because I did the same thing.

But as the years pass, another reality looms: if my son decides to wait as long as I did to have kids, or longer, I may not be around to meet them.

Most days, I am so exhausted from raising my son as an "older mom" that the last thing on my mind is wanting to help care for another child. But the older I get, the more I start to question my mortality, and the reality sets in that I may never be a grandma.

I don't regret my choice

In my 20s and 30s, I was figuring out who I was, building a career, and waiting for the right moment. For me, that moment didn't come until I was almost 40. I don't regret my choice; my son is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

But it also means that by the time he's in the same place I was, I could be in my 70s or 80s — if lucky. And the reality is, I may not live long enough to see him become a father, let alone watch his children grow.

Having kids later in life changes how you think about time. Every milestone feels a little more precious because you know you might not have as many of them.

As my son grows, I sometimes think about what kind of person he will become. Will he attend college? What career path will he choose? Will he move far away? Will he find someone to share his life with, and will they decide to have children? When he's starting to think about settling down, I'll likely be entering my senior years and may already be wondering how much time I have left.

I want my son to live life on his own terms

It's not something I think about often, but when I do, it hits hard. The idea of possibly not becoming a grandmother feels bittersweet. While I know I'm lucky to have the family I do, there's an undeniable ache that I may not get to witness my family grow.

I want my son to live his life on his terms, to take the time he needs to figure out who he is and what he wants. But I can't deny the pang of wondering whether I'll get to see him as a dad or if I will get to have a relationship with my potential grandchildren.

The truth is, I don't know what the future holds. None of us do. Maybe my son will decide to have children earlier than I think, and I'll get to cuddle my newborn grandchildren and spoil them. Or perhaps he won't want kids at all, and I'll need to let go of that dream.

What I do know is that life rarely unfolds the way we plan. The best I can do is cherish the moments I have now. Instead of focusing on the "what ifs," I try to be present for the "what is."

Every laugh, hug, milestone, and conversation with my son is a gift.