My beautiful daughter died after relentless online bullies told her to kill herself…we need under 16 ban like Australia
When Gemma Bentley walked down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams with her two daughters as bridesmaids, it was a bittersweet moment.
While Gemma beamed at finding happiness with future husband Ben, there was one person missing from the celebrations.
Her first-born daughter Honey Cook, 15, took her own life during lockdown in February 2021 after a vicious campaign of online bullying on Instagram – by girls she had never met.
She is one of countless teens throughout the UK who have quite literally been bullied to death on social media.
Now parents are backing growing calls for social media to be banned for under 16s after Australia moved to protect its kids from harmful content.
The UK government this month warned tech giants to get their act together or they face a blanket ban among British kids.
Gemma, 38, whose daughter Honey already suffered mental health problems when bullies told her to kill herself, said: “We absolutely need more control over social media when it comes to our children.
“Kids say thing to each other online they might not say in person and online grooming is a massive issue. It makes sense to ban kids from platforms altogether.”
Gemma says Honey, a talented artist who enjoyed cosplay, was sent more than 100 vile messages after being befriended by a group of girls on Instagram, where she often posted her pictures.
“These girls were relentless,” says Gemma, of Barnsley, South Yorks.
“They told Honey to kill herself, that everyone hated her, that she was ugly and never wanted by her family. They went into really graphic detail about how to take her own life.
“Honey would still be here if it hadn’t been for these kids, in my opinion. She had very poor mental health already and was struggling with an eating disorder so was very fragile, but had been coping a lot better before these messages.
“I don’t understand how these messages were able to get through the Instagram app because of their damaging content and that’s something else that needs to be looked at.”
Gemma wed new husband Ben,32, a family friend, in October this year, with daughters Indie, 17, and 10-year-old Teddy as bridesmaids.
She said: “It was such a bittersweet moment because I was marrying the man I love but Honey wasn’t there to see it.
“I attached her favourite picture to my bouquet so she was there in some sense and we spoke about her a lot at times during the day.
“Her sisters still struggle without her. Teddy was six when she lost her big sister and Honey doted on her.
“Indie was 13 and has grieved very differently, which shows how it impacts everyone differently and how hard it is to navigate your child’s grief while dealing with your own too.”
Gemma, who has set up a charity in her daughter’s name which provides self-help journals to help other struggling children, added: “I don’t think kids will take any of the online bullying seriously until one of them is prosecuted.”
South Yorkshire Police investigated Honey’s death, which a coroner ruled suicide, but it’s understood they were unable to make any criminal charges against those involved.
Police probe
A spokeswoman said: “Both girls were dealt with via restorative justice, in which they wrote a letter each to the coroner explaining their involvement in creating malicious communications and expressing their remorse.”
Last year, additions to the Online Safety Bill mean trolls can be jailed up to five years for encouraging victims to harm themselves, but they were not in force when Honey died.
This month Technology Secretary Peter Kyle said a ban on social-media for the under 16’s is “on the table” if tech giants don’t take action to protect kids.
He said: “I don’t want to ban things outright unless I absolutely need to. I will always put the safety of people first.”
The minister made the warning as he prepares to tell Ofcom to be more assertive with firms – including a crackdown on age-restricted content for under 13s.
He is in talks with counterparts in Australia where new laws are expected to be ushered in to block under-16s from accessing platforms like Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat, X and Instagram.
This week an inquest heard how Welsh schoolgirl Megan Evans, 14, was found dead in her bedroom after a cyber-bullying campaign.
Megan, of Milford Haven, Pembrokeshire, took her own life in February 2017 after being told to “kill yourself” by vile trolls.
After her death, mum Nicola Harteveld found a Facebook group entitled ‘I hate Megan Evans’.
Mum-of-eight Nicola has worked to raise awareness of mental health and the dangers of social media following her daughter’s death.
Yet a coroner last week ruled bullying had not played a part in Megan’s death – saying phrases like ‘go kill yourself’ can be “interpreted in different ways” by pupils.
Nicola said: “It’s heartbreaking and beyond disgusting to see a conclusion that tries to blur the line between bullying and banter.
“Phrases like those can never be dismissed as a joke.”
Bully demands
She launched the Megan’s Starr Foundation, which provides free counselling and support to young people.
Nicola continued: “As a society we’ve become far too comfortable with dismissing harmful words as ‘banter’ or ‘harmless fun’.
“Phrases like ‘Go kill yourself’ are deeply damaging and never acceptable, yet they are being trivialised.
“This normalisation teaches young people that cruelty is acceptable and victims should just toughen up.
“Social media amplifies this harm, making it inescapable, yet accountability remains inconsistent both online and off line.
“We need to stop normalising cruelty and start protecting our young children.”
How to keep your kids safe online
Tech is an everyday part of children’s lives now.
Here’s some ways you can protect their online safety.
Talking to your kids about the dangers is an important part of safeguarding them.
For the under 11s try simple NSPCC resources like Talk PANTS and Techosaurus.
Older kids might find it embarrassing to talk about difficult topics but it’s worth checking in with them regularly to see if there’s anything they want to chat about.
It’s worth buying a book on the topic and reading it together, before talking about it. Or ask if they’ve discussed the issue in class.
You could pretend a friend of yours needs advice to find out how much they know about online safety.
The NSPCC has created an online safety toolkit which you can access here.
It can be helpful to remind kids they shouldn’t share their location or personal information on their posts, on public forums and chats, on videos or with people they don’t know.
Exploring the safety and privacy settings on apps will help you decide which are right for your child to use.
Apps have different ways to set up an account but most have options to set an account to private, ban new friend requests and hide the user’s location.
Each app has slightly different ways to set up an account, but most have the option.
Each has a different age rating.
For more information log on to the NSPCC or for more advice the Internet Watch Foundation
A third family also told The Sun how they want to see tougher regulations – or a total ban.
The family of 16-year-old Kibi Wade were left devastated after she took her own life in July this year after classroom bullies continued to stalk her when she left school.
Vile messages shown to The Sun reveal how Kibi was sent messages by a group of girls who warned her she would be continually bullied unless she met their demands – which included sitting at the front of the school bus, a bar on talking to certain kids and not going to the toilets if they were using them.
She was also blackmailed into buying vapes or her tormentors threatened to spread false rumours about her.
Kibi’s mum Michelle Barrett, 47, of Caistor, Lincs, said: “Kibi was very distressed by it and we thought it would all come to an end when she left school in the summer, but the messages just kept coming until she couldn’t take anymore.
“If she left a group chat they would just add her to another and start abusing her again. I think she felt there was no escape from them.”
Michelle and partner Michelle Gardner, 50, have now launched a campaign to raise awareness about cyberbullying – but are also backing calls for the blanket ban.
Michelle said: “If it was up to us we wouldn’t let kids on social media until they were at least 18. Kids don’t seem to have any awareness of the impact their words can have on others.”
The NSPCC says any under-16 ban would “penalise children for the failure of tech companies”
CEO Sir Peter Wanless said: “Social media is now an integral part of young people’s lives. It provides them with opportunities to communicate with friends and family, to learn and be creative.
“We understand concerns about children having access to social media that is fundamentally unsafe for them. However, children deserve to have age appropriate experiences online rather than being cut off from it all together.”
Campaigner Ian Russell, whose daughter Molly took her own life after being exposed to suicide and self-harm online, said a ban would push “bad actors en masse” onto gaming platforms.
Fourteen-year-old Molly, of Harrow, north-west London, died in November 2017 after viewing “dark, graphic, harmful” content.
Her death sparked campaigning to clean up the internet, leading to the Online Safety Act that will force firms to take down damaging posts from their platforms.
Signs your child is a victim of bullying
According to the experts at Family Lives, there are some specific signs to look out for. These can be split into three different sections - emotional, physical and changes at school.
Emotional – the child is isolating themselves and not talking to family, they are becoming more withdrawn, there are changes in eating habits, and behaviour, such as becoming more angry, they avoid social media, they don’t see their friends outside school, they show new anxiety and nervousness.
Physical – the child may have unexplained bruises, cuts or marks on their body, issues with sleep, complain of headaches or tummy aches and wet the bed.
Changes at school – the child suddenly starts doing badly in lesson, becomes anxious about school, claims to feel unwell more than usual, loses items or money that can’t be explained, have damaged possessions and refuse to take part in after school clubs.
You can call The National Bullying Helpline for a free consultation on 0300 323 0169. Ensure your offspring has the number for Childline on 0800 1111.
Ian told the i paper that a ban would wrongly deny youngsters the benefits of the digital world – and called for the Government to strengthen existing laws .
Tech giant Meta said it has recently introduced an initiative called Teen Accounts which can limit what kids are exposed to.
All young people who sign up to Instagram in Britain, America and Canada will be put under the restrictions with a global rollout planned for later this year.
It means teens will need to accept new followers and people who don’t follow them can’t see their content or interact with them. Parents can also put on controls which mean they can see who their child is messaging and a sleep mode will mute nighttime notifications.
A spokesperson said Instagram also has a ‘hidden words’ feature, which allows users to filter emojis, words, phrases or comments they don’t want to see.