The woman I love has scammed me out of money but I don’t want to leave her
DEAR DEIDRE: I THINK the woman I’m in love with has scammed me out of money, but I still can’t break things off with her.
Now I’m both heartbroken and in lots of debt.
I’m 34 and have been in a long-distance relationship with a girl, 28, for two years.
We’ve never met but speak every night for hours. I’ve never felt so strongly about anyone.
She has a low-paid job as a carer and is always broke. The first time I gave her money was when her car was written-off and she couldn’t afford to buy a new one.
I took a loan out to help her and always assumed she’d pay me back, but she didn’t.
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Since then, I’ve given her money several times – thousands of pounds in total – to help her pay her rent, to get her train tickets to visit her family, to buy furniture and even clothes.
She never asks directly but I always feel I need to help and find myself offering.
I have a decent job, but my rent is high, and I don’t have much to spare. I’m now finding it hard to pay back my loan and credit cards.
I wouldn’t have minded, as I thought we had a future together. But she always makes excuses why she can’t meet.
Last month, I went on her Facebook account and saw pictures of her with another guy. It looked like they were on holiday together – a holiday I think I’ve paid for!
I asked her about it and she told me he was her ex and they were old pictures. I know she’s lying.
I looked up the guy’s profile and he says he’s in a relationship with her.
All the evidence points to her cheating and scamming me, but she denies it. She even got angry with me for accusing her.
I don’t know what to do. I love her.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re in love with the woman you think she is, not the real person.
Someone who loves you wouldn’t keep taking money from you or avoid meeting up.
You sound like a lovely guy and deserve better. Hard as it will be, you need to break up with her and end all contact.
My support packs on Love Online and Addictive Love might be helpful to read.
Find out more about dating scams from Action Fraud (actionfraud.police.uk).
For help with your debts, see Solving Debt Problems.