My husband died and I’m relieved – I got the house & his money, but I have to make a fuss and pretend I’m sad
A WOMAN has expressed her relief at the death of her husband.
She explained that she got their house and his money after his passing, but admitted that she’s grateful to finally feel ‘free’.
The mother confessed that her husband abused her financially, mentally and even physically, and as a result, she is now thankful to be out of the toxic situation.
But despite this, she shared the difficulty she is currently facing – as she has to ‘pretend’ to be sad by his death.
Posting on social media, the mother opened up on her situation, leaving many open-mouthed.
Revealing all on Reddit, under the r/TrueOffMyChest thread under the username @Sorry_Weather6287, the woman titled her post ‘My husband died and I have to pretend that he was a great man who loved me.’
She then explained: “My husband passed away three months ago, I was relieved of that.
“He abused me financially, mentally and even physically, when I got pregnant he convinced me to quit my job saying that he would take care of me…
“I could never buy anything again without asking his permission, I couldn’t even buy cream without asking his permission and he decided if I could or not, even months ago that I had a little money of my own I had to ask him for permission to buy something.
“What was mine was theirs and theirs was theirs. But I stayed there because I still loved him and I didn’t have a place to go.”
Not only this, but the woman claimed that her husband cheated on her too, as she continued: “I had too low self-esteem and let myself be stepped on. When I stopped loving him he had already had his first affair.
“He made me believe that I was to blame for the affair because I didn’t want to have sex months after my birth that left me torn and I had to receive stitches.
“I was already planning my exit and saving money little by little while I was working selling things from home since he wouldn’t let me work outside because he was very jealous.
“I wanted to pay for a lawyer. He was having another affair with a friend of his which luckily kept him busier and I didn’t care anymore that he didn’t pay attention to me, I wanted him to stay as far away as possible.
“I knew that man and he knew me, I could have made a big fuss but I didn’t, I kept quiet planning my way out while he and that man slept together in secret.
“I only felt disgusted by my husband, nothing more.”
How you can get help
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families:
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline.org.uk.
Women’s Aid provides a live chat service – available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
But after the death of her husband, she revealed she is now dealing with people praising the manipulating man.
She added: “But my husband died in a way I never would have expected. He is now a martyr, when someone dies all the sins of that person disappear?
“Because that’s what even my family thinks, those who knew about his affair and how he manipulated me are now talking about how good a man he was and we shouldn’t insult someone who’s dead.
“Everyone around me talks about how beautiful our relationship was, his family talks about what a great man he was and how he always focused on giving everything to me and our kid.
“His affair partner hugged me at the funeral saying that my husband loved me, his friends told me what a great person he was.
The day he died I cried a lot but not out of sadness, I cried with relief and I felt FREE
Reddit user
“Everyone talks about how good he was and how he is now an angel in heaven.”
She explained that whilst she cried when he died, it wasn’t out of sorrow, as she wrote: “And I have to pretend to be sad.
“The day he died I cried a lot but not out of sadness, I cried with relief and I felt FREE.
“It would have taken me too many years to save to pay for lawyers with my little store without him realising that I was keeping money in secret, he would have kept everything, he would have made my life a hell and I know it because he had told me so every time I stood for myself.
“But now I have the house, I have everything, I have the monthly money for being a widow, I have my children totally with me.”
It was really hard to pretend to be sad at the funeral but I did it for my child
Reddit user
In an attempt to move on, the woman shared: “I have started [seeing a] psychologist. Everyone thinks that I do it to cope with my grief but no, it is to overcome the abuse I suffered from him.
“It was really hard to pretend to be sad at the funeral but I did it for my child. I did it because now everything is over and I’m free.
“If I made a fuss, my ex-MIL would have done something so that I wouldn’t keep anything, they were just like him.
“But now I’m just a sad widow who needs help in their eyes, the silly widow who didn’t know anything but that’s helping me to be free and have what I deserve.”
Where to seek grief support
Need professional help with grief?
- Child Bereavement UK Childbereavementuk.org
- Cruse Bereavement Cruse.org.uk
- Relate Relate.org.uk
- The Good Grief Trust Thegoodgrieftrust.org
- You can also always speak to your GP if you’re struggling.
You’re Not Alone
Check out these books, podcasts and apps that all expertly navigate grief…
- Griefcast: Cariad Lloyd interviews comedians on this award-winning podcast.
- The Madness Of Grief by Rev Richard Coles (£9.99, W&N): The Strictly fave writes movingly on losing his husband David to alcoholism.
- Terrible, Thanks For Asking: Podcast host Nora McInerny encourages non-celebs to share how they’re really feeling.
- Good Mourning by Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn (£14.99, Murdoch Books): A guide for people who’ve suffered sudden loss, like the authors who both lost their mums.
- Grief Works: Download this for daily meditations and expert tips.
- How To Grieve Like A Champ by Lianna Champ (£3.99, Red Door Press): A book for improving your relationship with death.
REDDIT USERS REACT
Reddit users were left stunned by the woman’s confession and many flocked to the comments to share messages of love and support for the now widow.
One person said: “I’m happy for you. You’re free! I hope you live the rest of your life in peace.”
I’m happy that you can finally be free now
Reddit user
Another added: “I love this for you! Not that you went through that, but that you’re doing well and are free now.”
A third commented: “Glad you’re rid of him. If you can, when you feel strong enough, sell the house and move away from all the people and things you don’t want to be around.
“Tell everyone it’s too tough for you being in the home and all the memories. They don’t need to know the memories are bad memories. Sending you best wishes over the internet.”
Whilst someone else posted: “I’m happy that you can finally be free now. Let them say what they like. You know the truth.”