I don’t want to be a step-mum anymore – it’s so exhausting and I feel like all she wants is to drain my cash
A WOMAN has revealed that she feels used and exhausted and doesn’t want to be a step-parent anymore.
She explained that she and her step-daughter, 12, have always had a great relationship, but now, she feels as though she is simply being used for her money.
The woman claimed that not only does her step-daughter’s mother make her feel miserable, but she also is dealing with the trauma that her step-daughter is facing.
Opening up about her situation, the woman took to Reddit to reveal all, leaving many open-mouthed.
Posting on the r/Stepmom thread, under the username @whisperingvelvet33, the social media user captioned her post ‘I don’t want to be a step parent anymore.’
She then shared that now her step-daughter is getting older, she is beginning to notice her mother’s “awful personality traits bleeding into her”.
The anonymous woman confessed: “We have 50/50 [custody] (newly established, battled in court for YEARS to get more than standard because mum is unfit and has my step-daughter living in a house with a bunch of drug addicts).
“Her mum goes out of her way to make my husband and I as miserable as humanly possible.
“It usually doesn’t bother me, but now she’s doing things through my step-daughter.”
The woman explained that she spends money on her step-daughter but is often met with difficult behaviour when she returns from seeing her mother.
She confessed: “I feel like I am only good enough to take my step-daughter out to do things, spend my money on her, buy her nice things, etc.
“We typically have a really great relationship but now every time she comes back from her mothers, it takes a solid three days to get her back to her “normal.” Then, going back and starting the process all over again.
“I am mentally exhausted. She is so behind in school, her maturity, basically everything.
“I feel like we have 12 years of negative impact and trauma to try and turn around and I have no idea where to start.
“My husband basically acts like I am her mother, her mother doesn’t do anything for her either, so I feel like I am a single parent for a child I didn’t even make.”
Different parenting styles explained
There are four recognised styles of parenting explained below:
Authoritarian Parenting
What some might describe as ‘regimental’ or ‘strict parenting.
Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.
Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter.
When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway.”
Permissive Parenting
Often referred to as ‘soft parenting’ or ‘yes mums/dads’.
Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there’s a serious problem.
They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.”
Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.
With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children’s feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
They use positive reinforcement techniques, like praise and reward systems, as opposed to harsh punishments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
They don’t set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don’t devote much time or energy to meeting children’s basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs consistently.
The woman expressed that whilst she recognises that everything happens for a reason, she feels “tired” and “used”.
She concluded: “I know they say God puts everyone in situations for a reason, and maybe I am here to help her, because I am her safe space.
“But man, I feel so used and am really considering the nacho parenting just for my own mental health. I am so tired, and feel so alone. Sigh.”
REDDIT USERS REACT
Reddit users flocked to the comments to share their thoughts on the situation, with many advising the poster to speak to her husband and ask for help.
One person said: “This is too much responsibility for you to take on alone. Husband needs to step up and take over all parenting duties.”
You have done your best and have gone above and beyond, but now it’s time for her parents to do their part
Reddit user
Another added: “I am so sorry you’re going through this. I just got out of feeling like this and I definitely echo what other commenters recommended- take a step back so dad (and mum) can step up.”
A third commented: “I am in a very similar situation and I definitely recommend being a NACHO parent.
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“You have done your best and have gone above and beyond, but now it’s time for her parents to do their part.
“You didn’t get into this relationship to take on everyone else’s responsibility; you’re there for support.
“Please take care of yourself because if you don’t it’ll make things worse. You’ll wear yourself down to nothing and also develop resentment.
“If you can leave the house for an extended period of time. Take a vacation or go to a family or friends house and be at peace with just yourself.”