Lyin' Tim Walz Wants To Be Your Neighbor

CHICAGO—After listening to Wednesday night's Democratic National Convention keynote speaker, vice presidential nominee Tim Walz, an MSNBC reporter observed that the Minnesota governor and his family were "so remarkably normal after what we've been through the last four years." It wasn't entirely clear if the comment was intended as a dig at the dysfunctional Biden family, or if Democrats have spent so much time this week vowing to "turn the page" and embrace the future that their supporters have simply forgotten they still control the White House. (RIP, Sleepy Joe.) 

Hundreds of quivering "Coach Walz" signs greeted the VP nominee at the United Center, his former career as a teacher and assistant football coach being vital to the narrative Democrats have carefully crafted. Alas, the slight embellishment reflects a long history of falsehoods Walz has peddled throughout his political career—about serving "in war" (he didn't) and having children through IVF (nope) or blaming the 2020 George Floyd riots in Minnesota on "outsiders" (arrest records proved otherwise). He has lied about seemingly trivial things, such as the time he promised to release a COVID-19 action plan (that didn't exist) and told reporters he was up all night texting about an infrastructure bill. (He admitted he wasn't after a journalist filed a public records request.)

Democrats leaned hard on narrative Wednesday, which makes sense because Walz and his boss, Kamala Harris, have yet to articulate a coherent policy vision or explain what priorities they would pursue if elected. With the election just 75 days away, why bother? The mainstream media seems utterly unwilling to challenge them. "We've got something better to offer," Walz said, outlining what might as well be the party platform at this point. Democrats are good and stand for respecting neighbors and "compromise," he insisted. He praised Harris for her willingness to "reach across the aisle," his most recent falsehood.

The other Democratic speakers hammered home this vague feel-good message. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg explained that Democrats stand for "the right kind of politics" that just "feels better to be a part of," versus the GOP "politics of darkness." Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D., Minn.) introduced Walz by somewhat sensually describing him as a "dad in plaid" who deserves to be in charge of the country because he "knows how to change a tire." Celebrity guru Oprah Winfrey called for "civilized debate" and urged Americans to vote for "decency and respect" because "we are not so different from our neighbors."

Former president Bill Clinton, whose legacy was briefly reconsidered in light of his sexual depravity during the equally brief #MeToo era, spoke longingly of "all these young leaders" who were also very good looking. He admired Harris for her "sheer joy" and "thousand watt smile." A notorious liar, Clinton applauded Biden for "voluntarily" relinquishing power, which is mostly false. The 78-year-old relic mourned his wife Hillary's loss in 2016, subtly blaming American voters for getting "distracted by phone issues." Clinton walked off stage to "Don't Stop," the forward-thinking anthem written by Fleetwood Mac in 1977 and theme of his 1992 presidential campaign.

Harris's brother-in-law, former Uber executive and Taliban lawyer Tony West, made an appearance earlier in the evening. He has reportedly emerged as a top adviser for the campaign, even though the overbearing influence of his wife, Harris's sister Maya, was widely cited as a reason Harris's failed 2020 campaign descended into chaos. It was West who recommended bringing on former U.S. attorney general Eric Holder to vet potential running mates. Holder reportedly conducted an "equity audit" on Walz and others, whatever that means. He apparently missed all the lies.

Outside the arena, beyond the reach of the neighborly vibes, renegade delegates held a sit-in demanding a Palestinian speaker at the convention. Rep. Ilhan Omar (D., Minn.), best known for her history of anti-Semitic remarks, joined the protesters. They are refusing to leave even though their demands have already been rejected by the Harris campaign. Democrats would rather ignore the anti-Israel unrest within their party because it distracts from their policy vision, which doesn't exist beyond an urgent desire to win the election, humiliate Trump, and figure it out later.

If there is one thing animating the so-called "joy" and "vibes" of the convention, it is a neighborly hatred of Trump and everything his supporters believe in. The recurring chants of "lock him up," once condemned in horror as an assault on cherished norms, have gone largely unremarked upon by the mainstream journalists who agree that it would feel so good to see Trump thrown in prison.

Walz ended his speech on Wednesday with a football metaphor that will be enthusiastically cited by liberals who know nothing about football. Democrats were "down a field goal" he said, but they were "on offense, driving down the field." It was time to "get in the trenches," to focus on "blocking," as well as "tackling," which is not something a competent football team typically does on offense, but what difference, at this point, does it make? The narrative is winning, the referees are clapping, the vibe is joy.

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