DEAR DEIDRE: I don’t know if I can resist the intense lust I feel for a woman I work with.
I’m worried that as the party season approaches we’ll end up having sex.
I’m a married man of 41 and my wife is 39.
My wife and daughter are my world but my sexless marriage is horribly frustrating. I’m not sure how much longer I can live like this.
Recently I changed jobs and now work with a stunning woman. The attraction is definitely mutual. She’s 33, blonde and curvy.
She knows exactly what she’s doing when she comes over and perches on my desk for a chat. The sexual chemistry is palpable.
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I keep looking over to my family photos on my desk to recompose myself but I desperately want to have sex with her.
I even booked an escort, just to relieve the frustration I feel, but I got cold feet and cancelled last minute.
But the temptation of an affair still looms large.
The only thing holding me back is the guilt of betraying my family.
When my wife and I met everything was great and our sex life was fantastic, we were at it like rabbits.
But she developed postnatal depression after our daughter was born, has suffered with depression on and off ever since, and as a result, our sex life is now zero.
I don’t feel I can talk to my wife about these feelings without badly hurting her.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t have to tell her you’re contemplating an affair but it’s important to share how you feel and how you are missing intimacy.
You should both be enjoying a good sex life. As depression can sap sex drive, suggest your wife talks to your GP about support.
Medication should be a last resort and there are plenty of other methods known to help low mood, including mindfulness and outdoor exercise in particular.
You can build up to a sex life again slowly, using sensate focus exercises which are explained in my support pack called Sex Play Therapy.
Intimacy is good for our mental health so in a quiet moment tell your wife how much you love her and that you’re there to support her, but you don’t want to live in a sexless marriage.
Focus your romance at home, rather than in the workplace and you’ll start to feel more satisfied in your marriage.