DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has struck up an intense friendship with my first love and her constant presence is unsettling me.
I can’t stop fantasising about her. Now the only way I can orgasm when I’m with my wife is by imagining this ex.
It had been nearly 30 years since I saw her, but hearing her familiar, throaty laugh, I knew straight away the slim and beautiful woman at the pub bar was her.
We are both 50 but she looks much younger and has aged better than my wife, who at 47 is three years younger.
We had a good chat about the old days and exchanged numbers.
I’m a straightforward guy so mentioned to my wife that I’d bumped into her.
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We were planning my birthday get-together at the same pub so my wife suggested we invite her.
She accepted the invitation and when she arrived my wife made a real effort with her.
They had similar interests and had worked for the same retailer at different times so they had mutual connections there.
Since that night, they’ve become best friends, going shopping together and having nights out.
This other woman always compliments me, though, and remembers things we spoke about years ago. I keep thinking about how my life could have been had I held on to that teenage relationship.
My wife vapes, drinks a lot and has gained weight after having our three kids.
Our sex life is sporadic and I don’t fancy her sexually.
Do I tell my ex how I feel? Do I leave my wife? I feel that we are destined to be together again.
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DEIDRE SAYS: If you were destined to be together, this would have happened a long time ago.
First loves are special but you can’t keep thinking that every other aspect of your life would be improved if you were together.
You don’t know her as a partner. You remember her as a teen-ager and now as a woman who knows how to flatter your ego.
Remember why you fell in love with your wife.
There was something that drew you in.
Have those attributes truly gone? If she’s kind and caring, it’s worth improving your relationship.
If things need to change, tell her what you’d like to improve and ask her to outline her requests.
The chances are, she’s feeling the same. My support pack 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help you too.
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Pictures posed by models.