He’s a great dad but an awful husband – he treats me like I’m his cleaner
DEAR DEIDRE: IF I don’t do the housework the way my husband likes it, he won’t let me have any money.
After 15 years of marriage, I’ve had enough. I’m 45, he’s 49, and we have two boys, aged 12 and eight.
He has never lifted a finger to help me and refuses to even make a cup of tea.
As far as he’s concerned, housework, cooking and childcare are women’s work and my job.
He “pays” me if he thinks I’ve done it well.
He has really old-fashioned attitudes about men and women’s roles. I’ve tried talking to him, but he refuses to engage.
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I feel so miserable and alone. I’ve never told anyone else because it’s so humiliating. But now I know I need to leave before I have no self-esteem left.
The problem is I haven’t had a proper job for years, and if I left I don’t know how we’d manage financially.
Even though he treats me like a slave, he is a good dad to his boys, and they love him.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband isn’t old-fashioned.
He’s abusive. Keeping money from your spouse is called financial abuse and is a form of coercive control.
Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247) for advice.
Even if you leave, he has to help support you and the children.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, may help you to talk to him.
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