Selfish mum lied about who my real dad was for 30 years – now I know the truth
DEAR DEIDRE: I KNEW my mum was selfish, but since discovering she lied about who my real dad was for 30 years, I don’t think selfish covers it.
She hasn’t once apologised and moans that my discovery has stirred up all the hurt again for her.
She loves him today, as much as she did then apparently. She is impossible.
I only discovered the truth when he tracked me down on social media.
While I was shocked, I believed him. He and his two sons look like me.
The man I called Dad when I was growing up often left the family home for months at a time.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
He wasn’t even that shocked when he found out the truth.
His relationship with Mum was toxic and they are no longer together.
I’m a 31-year-old woman, my real dad is 64 and mum is 58.
Dad and I did a DNA kit test and when the results confirmed we were father and daughter we were both thrilled.
He is trying to make up for lost time and wants to be involved in my life.
While I’m so happy I’ve finally found him, I’m also livid that I missed out on years of having such a great dad in my life.
We have met five times already even though he lives 150 miles away.
Mum is constantly pumping me for information about him but has never once asked about how I am.
She says she’s still madly in love with my biological father. How can she say this about someone she hasn’t mentioned for 30 years?
I think she kept quiet about him for so long out of spite because he never wanted a relationship with her.
I don’t know what to do about the whole situation any more.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Secrets in families are damaging and it sounds as if your mum kept quiet after being rejected.
She hasn’t worked through that hurt and is still hopeful she and your dad may rekindle what they had.
Yes, 30 years is a long time, but unprocessed feelings can last a lifetime when people get stuck.
While this may explain your mum’s preoccupation with her own relationship, it is no excuse.
Talk to your mum and explain how you are dealing with a lot of change and would appreciate her support.
But you may have to accept she will never be the supportive mum you want.
Talking to a therapist will help you and my support pack on Counselling explains more.