DEAR DEIDRE: I GAMBLED a fund that my fiancée and I had saved for a flat on a horse my mate said was a sure bet. I lost.
My friend is a “pro gambler” and often gives me good tips, but I’d never risked so much before.
He put a lot of cash on the horse, too, so I thought I was in safe hands. But it was agitated at the start of the race and threw its jockey. My money was gone.
I had to confess to my fiancée about the loss. She refused to listen and walked out that day.
It was a big mistake on my part. She is 31, I’m 33 and I love her. We had been together for ten years.
In my mind, a win on the horses would have given us such help toward buying our flat, and get rid of the stress of a big mortgage and rising bills.
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Instead, I just blew our chances of happiness. She returned to her parents’ home and I tried to accept that was it.
Then last month, she texted to wish me a happy birthday for the following day. I couldn’t believe it. I texted her back asking if she wanted to talk.
We met for a coffee and she said she had missed me, and I was all she had ever wanted.
We were ready to start again so began saving again and looking for flats. But then she caught me checking her phone, and now she has left for a second time.
She says I smother her, which I never meant to do, and she seems to have lost interest in me.
I only checked her phone every now and then to see if she had found someone else.
I didn’t feel her heart was in our relationship and now I’m certain I’ve blown it for good.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry but I’m not sure you can come back from this one.
Gambling your flat fund must have been devastating but snooping on her phone shows you don’t trust her. And her reaction shows she trusts you even less.
Find a moment to tell her you have made a huge mistake and are truly sorry. Beg for forgiveness.
But if she gives you another chance you both need to take a leap of faith and start to do your best to rebuild trust in each other.
My support pack Relationship MOT will help.
Show her you are staying away from the betting shop by getting help through Gamcare (gamcare.org.uk).
If she is adamant you are over, I’m afraid you need to accept her wishes and put your energy into moving on.